Spurs Underground

From Underground to the Alamo Air

2010-05-20T13:51:00.001-05:00

The days and months spent toiling to make this the most mediocre Spurs related blog on the interwebs has finally gotten Ben and I noticed for something other than the enormity of our schlongs (no homo).

We’ve been asked to join the Fansided Network blog AirAlamo and lend our opinions and insight, however impacted by our limited writing skills they may be, to the fray.

So with that, we say farewell to you here, but not goodbye for “The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.”

So look for us there and keep in touch.

p.s. if anyone is interesting in taking over for us here let us know

2010 NBA Lottery Results

2010-05-18T19:36:00.000-05:00

1 Wizards
2 Sixers
3 Nets
4 Timberwolves
5 Kings
6 Warriors
7 Pistons
8 Clippers
9 Jazz
10 Pacers
11 Hornets
12 Grizzlies
13 Raptors
14 Rockets

What Does a Draft Pick Get You?

2010-05-18T18:52:00.001-05:00

Very thorough breakdown the history of the draft that I though was interesting

What Does a Draft Pick Get You? Part I: Stat Ratings and Number Crunching

Ridiculous Upside: NBA Draft Lottery 2010: It's Today

2010-05-18T11:42:00.001-05:00

Tonight the future of this season's worst 14 teams begins to take shape. Will the Nets get the 1st pick? Will Houston leap frog everyone? Like you, I can't wait to see how the ping-pong balls hop. Follow the link to see what other (better) writers are saying

NBA Draft Lottery 2010: It's Today - Ridiculous Upside

Whoops!

2010-05-14T08:30:00.000-05:00

(AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

I have to say I didn't see it coming. I thought this year the Cavs had all they needed to win a title. They had 2 pretty good SF/PF combos in Jamison and Hickson. They had a decent PG in Williams and a great hustle guy in Sideshow Bob. They brought in Shaq to deal with D12 in the conference finals and they had the best player in the league. Only problem was they'd never see the Conference Finals. Even though he posted a triple double (27 pts 19 reb 10 ast) in Game 6, it still wasn't enough. Some people are saying LeBron just doesn't know how to win when it matters. Others are saying Mike Brown couldn't coach a girl's youth softball team. It doesn't really matter at this point. Brown will be gone. It's possible Danny Ferry will be gone as well. LeBron has a decision to make. Let's take a look at his suitors and stay tuned for a prediction on where he'll end up. Because I know everyone is just hanging on my every word. You love me.

Cleveland Cavaliers (61-21) :

Can offer him the most money out of any team due to holding his Bird rights.
He grew up near Cleveland and without a doubt feels some loyalty to the team and city.
As bad as their last few playoff series have gone, they still have put together winning teams.

New York Knicks (29-53) :

Can offer more advertising money than the other teams (most likely).
Can offer two players max deals.
He gets to play in D'Antoni's offense (also not a good thing since D'Antoni doesn't stress defense).
He would be the biggest sports star in the world.

Chicago Bulls (41-41) :

Are a very good young team.
Can pick his next coach.
They can offer him a max contract as well.
The chance to upstage the legend of Michael Jordan.

New Jersey (read: Brooklyn) Nets (who cares, they sucked) :

Have good pieces in Harris and Lopez.
Will have a high draft pick.
Can pick his own coach.
Can offer two players max contracts.
Have a crazy rich Russian owner who would probably knee cap any competition in the conference.

There are some other crazy ideas about him landing in Dallas or some other city that obviously isn't going to get him. But that's just crazy talk. Where does he go then? I don't think the salary will end up deciding a lot since the options besides Cleveland can all offer substantial advertising money. I think it will come down to 1) prospect of winning, 2) how much control he is given, and 3) loyalty. If he is strongly loyal, he will go back to Cleveland. If not he's gone. There's no reason to stay there otherwise since he has just as good of a chance to win in Chicago or even New Jersey (likely to get the #1 pick).

In the end I think he winds up in New York as a Knick. It's what I would do. Then again I haven't lived like a king for the past 7 years so maybe it's not that much of a jump. But maybe, just maybe, the strippers go all the way in New York and don't sue. That's as good a reason as any.

Parker won't play for France at worlds

2010-05-13T14:24:00.000-05:00

I guess we can call this good news...unless Tony breaks himself doing the deed with Eva

Parker won't play for France at worlds - USATODAY.com

Mason's Torn Ligament Needs Surgery

2010-05-13T11:21:00.000-05:00

In news that comes as no shock to me, Roger Mason Jr. needs surgery on the torn ligament in his hand. He announced this on his twitter feed about half an hour ago.

Just found out I have to have surgery on my hand :tomorrow. / I tried fighting thru it all season, but it is what it is...smh

Yes, he had a torn ligament and continued to play. Some would call that brave and selfless. I call it incredibly dumb. I could see playing with such an injury if you were a defensive minded player. Or if you didn't rely ON JUMPSHOTS. But no, by all means, continue to play even after shooting 30% in April. What could possibly go wrong? Oh right, you can shoot 8% in the playoffs. Silly me!

I wanna puke.

What do we have to look forward to?

2010-05-12T14:18:00.002-05:00

Why the 2010 NBA Draft of course!

I've done a little searching of the interwebs to see what "experts" and "bloggers" think the Spurs might do with their picks this year (#20 & #49 respectively). What you will find below is ten most randomly selected websites and who they have penciled in for the Spurs 43 days before the draft (as if any of us have any idea what in the hell the FO will do).

NBAdraft.net
20: Daniel Orton
49: Darrington Hobson

Draftexpress
20: Stanley Robinson
49: Jerome Randle

MyNBAdraft.com
20: Stanley Robinson
49: Pablo Aguilar

Walterfootball.com
20: Damion James
49: Paulo Prestes

HoopsHype
20: Stanley Robinson

TheHoopsDoctors
20: Eric Bledsoe

Ridiculous Upside
20: Luke Babbit
49: Greivis Vasquez

NBADraftRoom.com
20: James Anderson
49: Lazar Hayward

RealGM
20: Damion James
49: Artisom Parakhouski

NBA-Draft.com
20: Luke Babbit

Updated! New York Daily News Blah Blah Blah

2010-05-12T14:08:00.003-05:00

There's a story in the New York Daily News today about a possible trade between the Spurs and Knicks. The story centers around Spurs guard Tony Parker and the possible move to New York. Problem is the New York Daily News is full of shit. And I mean that in the most respectful way possible. But they, or their sources, are full of stuff more disgusting than Julia Roberts without makeup.

First of all they say Tony will be looking for a max deal after his current, $13.5 million, contract expires at the end of the next season. A max contract? That's ridiculous. Either his agent is feeding him fantasies or the source/journalist don't know what they're talking about. Moving on, we see they neglect to understand that George Hill didn't take Parker's starting job because Hill was a better player.

[T]here are reports that San Antonio would consider trading Tony Parker, who lost his starting job to Hill

Parker broke his hand and was just coming back. He came off the bench with limited minutes. They don't mention Hill got benched for the final two games against the Suns. While he has improved vastly, Hill is NOT a starting point guard in this league. His 0.8 assists/game in the playoffs should be an indicator of that. The Spurs would not make a deal without getting a point guard or high draft pick(s) in exchange. The Knicks have neither. The deal would have to be a blockbuster for the Spurs to part with Parker without getting one of those two things in return.

Now let's look at salaries shall we? Parker, as I said above, is making $13.5 million next season. The only current Knick making over $4 million next year is Eddy Curry's carcass. That means the Spurs would have to take on Curry's contract in order to make a Parker trade work (or involve a third team). The question becomes do they value Galinari and/or Chandler as much as they value Parker. It's a rhetorical question. Of course the answer is "not a chance in hell."

The only thing that would change all this would be a third team. But in that case, they'd have to be offering a similar talent-wise player to Parker. I just don't see it happening unless a player really wants to play in NY or San Antonio. It just doesn't make sense from the respective front offices' points of view.

Update: Should clarify that the Knicks can take on more salary since they're under the cap. The issues comes to be the Spurs would want more than just one player (Knicks won't give Galinari AND Chandler) and Curry's contract is expiring. Still, he won't play so basically they're flushing that money down the drains for next season. It's not gonna happen.

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end…

2010-05-11T22:54:00.005-05:00

We all knew it was coming, it happened at the end of 2008, 2009, and now 2010, the inevitable cries of the demise of Tim Duncan’s San Antonio Spurs. Here then is Bill Simmons’s take on the topic:

THE WHATEVER-THE-HELL-U2'S-LAST-ALBUM-WAS-CALLED AWARD FOR "MOST ABRUPT END TO A PHENOMENAL RUN"

To the Duncan-era Spurs: Four titles, 13 straight 50-win seasons (I'm including the stupid lockout season) and a boatload of fantastic memories. OK, not really. But we got to watch Duncan (the best power forward ever), Ginobili (the best international guard ever if you're not counting Nash, and you shouldn't, since Canada isn't really "international"), Parker (who perfected the celebrity relationship), Popovich (the best coach of the past 15 years), and two really fun rivalries (Spurs-Suns, Spurs-Mavs). Look, you can't stay on top for more than a decade without getting a top-three lottery pick or having Chris Wallace trade you a top-three lottery pick. That's just the way this league works. So hold your head up high, Spurs. Fantastic run. When players are bawling in their locker room because they finally beat you (like Nash did after Game 4), you know you accomplished something great. And you did.

Buried within that supposed death knell are some key points that require your attention once again:

* Four titles
* 13 straight 50-win seasons
* Duncan (the best power forward ever)
* Ginobili (the best international guard ever)
* Popovich (the best coach of the past 15 years)

Call me crazy, call me stupid, call me John Holmes 2.0 (your Mom and Sister do), but don’t call me a pessimist…at least when it comes to “Your San Antonio Spurs.”

Winston Churchill once said (among many, many other things (hint, hint)): “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Being swept out of the Playoffs by a one-time stepping stone should certainly be looked at as a difficulty for these Spurs. But this presents the Spurs Brain Trust with the opportunity to reflect on what went right and what went wrong in 2009-2010 and how to return to the Promised Land in 2010-2011 without either too much hysteria or too much glory.

Had the Spurs lost to the Mavs in repeat fashion to last season, it would be reasonable to think that Mr. Holt might just hop into one of his Caterpillar Brand Bulldozers and head for the AT&T Center. Had the Spurs made it past Round Two, each successive win would have made the Spurs more likely to stand pat and make a run at it again next year counting on the improvement of the supporting players to put the Spurs over the top come 2011. (assuming of course they didn't win the title)

For better or worse, the Spurs’ seventh seed and their early playoff exit was exactly what this team deserved and needed. Given their supreme inconsistency this year anything else would have been fool’s gold.

Next Season and Beyond

The Spurs’ team improvement tool box is only so stocked this offseason, but given the fact that Tim’s (and probably Manu’s, (though with him anything is possible)) best years are behind him, one eye must be on the immediate future and one on the near-term future.

I think it is reasonable to assume that Hill, Blair, and McDyess will be better Spurs players next season; which will be enough most likely to improve upon the seventh seed of this season, but not necessarily the conclusion. To succeed in the Western Conference playoffs next season, the Spurs will need both good luck and better players…more precisely more better players. What ultimately did the Silver-n-Black in was, that they had no one beyond the “Big Three” to counter the Suns’ bench players…and even if by some fluke they had made it past Phoenix, think of the match-up issues with LA. (!!! (great band by the way)).

Let’s see what one Spurs fan and Chad Ford have to say on the matter:

Robert (Dallas): Chad - great chats! Quick question now that the spurs have been booted from the playoffs, what do you think that strategy is this offseason? Splitter coming over? thoughts on the 20th pick - any help there? Thanks

Chad Ford (1:20 PM): I think they try to get Tiago Splitter. I think they use the 20th pick on a guy who can replace what Bruce Bowen did for them (think Texas' Damion James) and then I think they use Richard Jefferson's expiring contract as a way to get some more depth. I don't see them trading Tony Parker unless they get another All-Star type point guard in return.

That exchange pretty much sums up the Spurs’ options at this point. Splitter coming over would be HUGE, and though there are some encouraging signs, I’m not going to count those chickens just yet. Oh, and adding Splitter kills the Spurs only cap-allowable recourse, namely the MLE. For the sake of argument, here’s what his arrival would do: move Mcdyess to the bench and Blair to the 4th big man option. You try telling me that the sound of that doesn’t make your taint quiver…in a completely heterosexual way of course.

Then there is the first round pick (higher than the Spurs have had since 1997 by the way). I think they should take the best player available, and let the rest shake out from there…and I also think it should be a player that will log some minutes next season, not some random Euro/ Argie/ Bazillion that falls to them ala the Splitter situation. Speaking of Tiago, I could see his deal affecting the position the Spurs look to fill. The second round pick might pay some dividends, but I doubt he does anything of value for the Spurs next year.

Finally, there is the trade route. Right now, the Spurs have only so many viable trade chips out there, and Tony Parker was just taken off of the table. Which means that unless he opts out this summer, the Spurs would be crazy not to shop Richard Jefferson, and shop him harder than Sarah Palin before the RNC (bad joke intended to lure the google search bots). The looming lock-out takes a little bit of shine of RJ’s bald head though. Peter Holt’s position on the Owner’s side of the table in the CBA talks might give him a bit of a leg up on this issue though.

Actually, the real finally is the BLE and minimum contracts, but at this point who knows who the hell of consequence can be had for that money. Channing Frye could have been had for that last summer…which would have been a damn site better than Theo Ratliff, Keith Bogans, and Marcus Haislip combined.

I’ve already gotten way ahead of myself. Before discussing who or whom can be added, perhaps I should recap who is currently under contract for next season. Duncan, Jefferson, Parker, Ginobili, McDyess, Hill, Blair, Hairston, Temple, Jerrells, and Gee (last four are unguaranteed). Mason, Bonner, Mahinmi, and Bogans are not signed for next year.

So out of those 15 players who do you want to see don a Spurs Uni next year? Obviously, the first seven or any player picked up by trading one of the first seven (imagine RJ +Ian+ 20th pick+ who- the-fuck-ever- but- Hill for Bosh (I have to go wipe the drool off of my chin now)) will be at the mercy of Coach Pop. Then I’d expect a few..three at most…of the noobs to stick and maybe two of the four unsigned vets. That leaves a lot of room on the bench.

Those empty seats along with Splitter and the draft are absolutely critical how May 9th, 2010 is remembered. Will it be just another hiccup for one of the NBA’s recent elite, or will it be marked as the beginning of the end?

What? You Thought I Was Serious?

2010-05-11T02:30:00.001-05:00

You guys should never listen to me ever again.

Bonus points for the subtle Roger Mason Jr. reference.

A New Mr. Robinson?

2010-05-10T23:07:00.005-05:00

We're still deciding on whether we wanna do a mock draft or two for the blog. In the meantime there's this guy:

Stanley Robinson
University of Connecticut
6'9"
225 lbs
21 Years Old
Available to dunk upon request

See him make good on one of those requests after the jump.

DraftExpress currently has him going to the Spurs at #20 (their highest pick since 1997) so it's entirely possible.

Was Winning One Game Too Much to Ask?

2010-05-10T19:03:00.000-05:00

After Game Three, I became resigned to the fact that the Spurs would exit the play-offs earlier than everyone that bleeds Silver-n-Black would have hoped for. I did however think, that they could lock themselves in focus-wise long enough to win at least one game and not look foolish. But alas, it was not to be (Damn you Seth Grahame-Smith!).

As great as the “Big Three” were, that’s about all Pop could ask for night-in and night-out against the Suns. Whereas, Mr. Gentry (if you’re nasty) could count on so much more from so many more players. Stevie Kerr must have been taking notes in Role Players 101 when he played with the Spurs because he found some great ones. Dudley, Dragic, and Frye were to the Suns this year what Horry, Bowen, and Fab/Fin were back in 2007 for the Spurs.

So another season is done, and we will all eagerly await every kernel and nugget (Eww, I think I just made a poop reference. Damn constipation, I need to eat more fiber.) of Spurs news and gossip until they lace ‘em up again next year.

Consider this the forward to the wrap-up I intend to write.

Jon Barry Appreciation Fun Time Super Happy Stuff!

2010-05-09T19:06:00.005-05:00

Since the offseason is soon upon us I thought I'd post this. I'm assuming people reading this also got a chance to listen to Jon Barry's commentary during Game 3.

Having played for 9 teams in his career (never lasting more than 3 seasons ANYWHERE) Barry put up Hall-of-Fame numbers. Averaging a whopping 5.7 points/game on 43% shooting, he was thought to be the next coming of Jeff Hornacek. 2.2 Assists and 1.9 Rebounds per game were nothing to sneeze at either. Wikipedia even has trouble classifying his greatness

Career highlights and awards

* No notable achievements

Some say his durability was his greatest attribute. Barry was so reliable he played in all 82 games once in his illustrious 14 year career. Obviously that kind of toughness and fortitude is something every team seeks. That's why Barry started, in 14 years mind you, a total of 36 games. Teams loved him. Fans loved him. The next logical step was to go to the booth and give his unquestioned opinion on the game he loves so.

That's where our story picks up. Listening to him talk about the Suns and how he wanted them to win made me nostalgic for a good ole fashioned appreciation thread. "You wanted the Suns, but I bet even YOU didn't expect them to be up 3-0". Well put Wilbon. Maybe he can give us more insight on how much better of a Point Guard Steve Nash is than Tony Parker. After all, Parker could never make that pass.

So leave your appreciative comments below!

Oh yeah, he's bald too.

UPDATED Unsubstantiated Rumor #9

2010-05-07T19:48:00.005-05:00

According to TPark...I mean EricB...over at SpursTalk, Tony Parker will start tonight. Lucky for us he doesn't say if Hill or Manu will be going to the bench. It'll probably be Hill. Assuming he's not full of shit.

Parker starting per my sources.

EricB's chatty post at SpursTalk

***UPDATED WITH CONFIRMATION***

This link has an interview with Pop done before tonight's game. He acknowledges his bench can't shoot. He also says that Tony will start and Hill will move to the bench. It's an interesting decision since now the second unit will be led by Hill. Hope he's up to the challenge.

Ric Bucher's Virgin Ears

2010-05-07T18:43:00.004-05:00

If you're like me you've been trying to watch most of the NBA playoff games. You would have noticed that the arenas in Oklahoma City and Salt Lake City shook the damn foundation they were built on. ESPNer Ric Bucher is expecting the same from tonight's do-or-die crowd at the at&t center. Take it away Bucher's Twitter!

Will tweet live from sidelines at Spurs-Suns tonight. Expect OKC/SLC-level dbs, so I'm going w/the double-ear monitors. Not that you care.

We care Ric. We care.

Word is they're doing a White Out tonight (handing out white t-shirts to all fans). I say for game 4 they should so a Pussy Out. You know, that's the one where they hand out t-shirts with Suns player's faces on them. I wish I had a drum set so I could end that joke properly.

240

2010-05-06T21:11:00.004-05:00

240 minutes. That's the number of minutes that can be distributed amongst players on a given team. Sometimes the difference in a game is between 239 and 240. Last night we saw that 15 minutes can change a game. We also saw that 40 minutes might still not be adequate if you (in this case Manu Ginobili) can't penetrate or hit jump shots. It's no secret I disagree with how Pop has coached these first two games in the series. So what's the solution? Well if I knew that I wouldn't be sitting here would I? Who's the smart guy now?

In game 1 he played Mason and Bonner 25 combined minutes while McDyess was only out there for 19. I realize Phoenix plays with a small lineup and Pop is trying to matchup better with their size. The thing Pop doesn't seem to realize is that when you send out players like Mason and Bonner, who are lower than NBDL level right now, you're counteracting your plans. It doesn't do any good to put Mason or Bonner out there to matchup with Richardson and Dudley/Frye when Mason and Bonner can't defend or hit shots. They're black holes in the sense that they are nothingness. They don't help with matchups because they suck on both ends.

McDyess has been playing well since the end of the season but he still sees limited minutes. I'm not sure why he doesn't get most or all of Bonner's minutes at this point. As he demonstrated last night he can hit open mid-range jump shots. In my book, made 2 > missed 3. That's all Bonner is at this point. A missed 3. So what would I like to see? Something like this:

Duncan: 35-40 minutes He played 37 min and 39 min in games 1 and 2 respectively. They need him down low. Especially when he's being guarded by Amundson.

Parker: 35-40 minutes He needs to start. He takes Nash apart every time they play.

Manu: 35-40 minutes The most important thing is to have good rotations that make it so lineups like hill-manu-bogans-bonner-blair never happen again. This is on Pop to fix.

The Big Three should all play the most obviously as they make or break the team. Now onto the support (or lack thereof)

Hill: 25-32 minutes At least one role player has to step up and signs point to it being Hill. He'll have to spell Manu or Parker assuming Pop gets his head out of his ass with rotations.

McDyess: 27-32 minutes He needs to play. It's as simple as that. I'll go over why he's not a defensive liability against Frye/Dudley in a bit

Jefferson: 30-35 minutes He's one of the more hit-or-miss players but he needs to play more simply because there's no one else

Blair: 16-20 minutes He brings intensity and rebounding, something the Spurs were without in game 2. Rookie mistakes will happen but it's better than Bonner doing nothing out there

That's 203-239 minutes taken. So who gets the rest? That's an excellent question and I'm not sure anyone knows the answer. I think it's obvious Bonner can't deliver with big minutes. I'd be fine with expanding the usual 8-man playoff rotation to include all the scrubs. Let them share the time. HOWEVER, never ever ever put them on the court with the second team. For them to either be effective or less damaging they need to be out there with at least one member of the big three. All of them are defensive liabilities. That's why I think Dice should sub out with Duncan as opposed to the usual Blair sub-in as the quarter winds down. If Bonner is out there, Tim or Dice should be as well. Dice isn't a liability against Frye and Dudley because those guys are pussies who only shoot jump shots. KIND OF LIKE DIRK! The same Dirk who was relatively stifled with Dice's defense. I'm confident Dice can defend any of the Frye/Dudley/Amundson threesome. They're a threesome cuz they're gay. Get it? Moving on...

Basically the scrubs should play, but they need to have supervision. Unless play dictates it I wouldn't play any of them more than 5 minutes each. If it was a perfect world all the guys on my minutes list would play max minutes and not suffer any ill affects. That's 239 minutes. That's the difference between winning and losing.

Weeeeeee! I'm a Horsey!!!

2010-05-06T14:58:00.002-05:00

Take it away Amar'e's twitter!

We support the Latin commuity. They are apart of the 12 tribes of Israel. It 1 Nation under YAH (god). Let's come together. Shalom !! 1love

To be slightly fair, there's also this from Deadspin

A theology student points us to the existence of the Black Hebrew Israelites, more specifically, the offshoot Israelite Church of God and Jesus Christ, which teaches that Native Americans and Hispanics are among the Tribes of Israel.

I say slightly because it's still ridiculous, it's just that it was taught to Amar'e as opposed to him thinking it up himself.

Everything was going to be ok...

2010-05-06T10:40:00.004-05:00

What I hope to see

2010-05-05T19:39:00.002-05:00

A lot of this:

And not much of this:

Here's to hope!

Suns Radio Likes Katy Perry

2010-05-05T18:47:00.003-05:00

I can't say I'm surprised what with the big gay population in Phoenix. This "parody" is from Sports 620 KTAR in Phoenix. Hey guys, can you do Lady Gaga next? Pretty please!!!! Kthanksbye.

http://icestream.bonnint.net:8000/az...2010155856.mp3

Were I Pop: The Uncertain Path

2010-05-05T16:55:00.000-05:00

Awww yeah! I’m back again with my faux-fanboy-ism. The way I figure it, everything that ever was and will be can be explained by the Bible, Shakespeare (who ever the fruck that was), and Star Wars…I’d throw the Dark Tower in there too, but we’ll see what Mr. King does to defile his master work in the 8th book before we go there.

I’ve devoured a ton of Spurs content since watching the cock-tease that was Game One, and there are cries from Spurs fandom that range from “start Tony” to “no need to worry, we lost to the Mavs in Game One also” to “Screw Pop, he has no idea what he’s doing”. Now it’s time for me to add my voice to the chorus.

I titled this piece in the manner I did, because I can see a lot of uncertainty in how to move forward in this series. I can see mixing up the starting line-up as much as I can see leaving things as they are or changing the substitution pattern. But since you…if in fact there are any “yous” out there reading this

(I mean come on, how hard is it to post a comment every now and again…I’ll even take a tweet telling me that I’m way off base…anything to know that I’m loved, okay well not loved, but at least humored)

…come here for biased wild-ass theories about how best to run the Spurs I’m going to lay out a path that I could see putting the Suns on their heels a bit (though honestly, why anyone would give a 6’-8” white guy that can’t dunk any credence I have no idea).

Here’s how I would start the game: Parker, Bogans, Jefferson, Duncan, McDyess. The reason is simple, allowing the Suns to get off to a hot start provides them with the confidence needed to handle the game the way that they want. Tony should be able to guard Nash effectively as he’s done it a number of times and Bogans hopefully can keep Richardson from getting into a groove. Effective help and pick-n-roll defense will be needed by the frontcourt to make this work.

Then I’d platoon the shit out of this fucker and bring Manu, Hill, and Blair off the bench around the 6-8 minute mark. Now you’ve got Tony, Hill, Manu, Blair, and Duncan on the court. Blair’s job is to body the hell out of STAT, while the rest of the group does what it can to score and stop scoring by the Suns.

My final move of the First Quarter would be to sit Duncan and Tony with about 2 minutes left.

The line-up is now Hill, Manu, Bogans, Blair, McDyess…which hopefully is the right mix of energy, defense, and scoring ability to close the quarter out effectively. You’ve got two corner three options, two pick-n-roll bigs, and one crafty-ass sumbitch to do what they do. An effective First Quarter should make the rest of the game that much easier to handle, which hopefully little need to play catch up later in the game.

The only other option I see on the table that makes any sense, is to substitute to the match-ups. For instance, when Amudson checks in, Blair should too. The same goes for Frye and Bonner.

Regardless of what I’ve written here, I fully expect to see a lot more small ball tonight, I’m just laying out the way I think Pop should move along the uncertain path of the play-offs.

Kobe Photoshoot Photoshop Mashup

2010-05-05T13:32:00.002-05:00

Anyone who watched the Lakers beat the Jazz last night saw some interesting pictures of Kobe Bryant displayed by TNT. Craig Sager even asked Kobe about the pictures. Here's a mashup of all the wonderful photoshop jobs on the already ridiculous pictures.

Credit for making these goes to the people at www.Spurstalk.com

Baby Beluga in the Deep Blue Sea

2010-05-05T13:14:00.004-05:00

In case anyone reading this doesn't know, our good friend Joey Crawford (pictured below) has been assigned to officiate tonight's game 2 in Phoenix. There's no word on the betting line yet but I'd guess there will be favorable odds that Duncan doesn't get tossed/Spurs win.

"He looked at me and said, 'Do you want to fight? Do you want to fight?"' Duncan said. "If he wants to fight, we can fight. I don't have any problem with him, but we can do it if he wants to. I have no reason why in the middle of a game he would yell at me, 'Do you want to fight?"'

You wanna fight?

Roger Mason Jr. - Shit Sandwich

2010-05-05T11:01:00.005-05:00

Well Hello. How are you? Bad? Me too. It might have something to do with Roger Mason Jr. You see, Money Mase seemed to be a bright spot for the Spurs last season. He hit insanely clutch shots and was an assassin all season. Then the playoffs came and he and Matt Bonner shriveled faster than Tiger Woods' dick at a hooker convention. Wait, no opposite of that. Yeah, cuz Tiger is a philandering dickhead. Anyways, Mason and Bonner shrank to nothing and missed more shots than you or I could possibly fathom. We thought it was a fluke. After all Mason and Bonner had been shooting lights out the entire 2008/2009 season. The playoffs were just an outlier in a statistical certainty; that Mason and Bonner were great shooters. Everything would be fine this season. Mason would get back to slapping his hip and Bonner would prove Gingers do have souls [Ed: They don't].

Then the 2009/2010 season came and so did Roger Mason Jr...in his pants. Things started off benignly. He shot 44% from the field and 34% from three in November. Not great but not terrible. December saw Mason have his best month of the season and his best FG% as a Spur (48%). His 3-PT% shot up as well (39%) and the Spurs were winning (10-5 with 4 road wins). That's where the happy story ends for "Money" Mason. His shot dropped off a cliff in January and February and while his 3-PT% went up, his FG% dropped markedly and the Spurs were losing. Each successive month saw his percentages decline and his confidence wither.

Us Spurs fans were disappointed but not terribly worried about Mason's decline. We had George Hill break out and even Malik Hairston looked serviceable (giggle). Bonner had a hit and miss regular season but wound up with a good 3-PT%. Grizzly Blair would start taking over Bonner's minutes since Blair was arguably the best pure rebounder on the team. Everything was going to be ok...

Oh Pop...how I have missed your Hall-of-Fameness. As the season came to a close it looked like Pop would sit Mason, Centerpiece, and to a lesser extent Bonner in the playoffs. Mason played a lot to end the season but contributed nothing. He also saw decreasing minutes in the first round against the Mavericks. 9-6-1-0 were his minutes in the first four games. But you just couldn't let it go could you Pop? Game 5 saw Mason get 28 minutes and the Spurs were embarrassed in Dallas. Whew. At least Pop learned his lesson. Mason got a big fat DNP in game 6 and the Spurs closed out the MyLittlePonies.

Here's a breakdown of Mason's series against Dallas:

Game 1 - 9 min; 0-2 FG; 0-1 3PT; 1 Ast; 4 fouls; L
Game 2 - 6 min; 0-1 FG; 0-1 3PT; 1 foul; W
Game 3 - 1 min; 0-0 FG; 0-0 3PT; W
Game 4 - DNP; W
Game 5 - 28 min; 1-6 FG; 1-3 3PT; 1 Ast; 2 Reb; 2 TO; 3 fouls; L
Game 6 - DNP; W

For those of you keeping track that's a FG% of 11% and a 3-PT% of 20%. BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE! Or was he just building one?

It's not a stretch to say when Mason plays significant minutes, the Spurs lose. Which is why I, as well as most diehard Spurs fans, nearly lost my mind when Pop decided to bring Mason in during crunch time in the 4th of game 1 vs. Phoenix. He played crucial minutes in the 4th while the Spurs were trying to claw their way back into the game. Not surprisingly he did nothing and was matadorish on defense. Finally, as a sign of intense desperation, Pop instructed Mason to intentionally foul Amundson, putting the Spurs into the penalty, so he could yank him from the game. It only took Pop 4 WHOLE MINUTES to realize Mason brought less to the table than a 900 lb Wisconsin housewife. Mason was so bad he was told to intentionally put another team to the line in the 4th quarter of a playoff game. There's really nothing more to add to that.

Actually there is one more thing to add. After Game 1 Mason's shooting percentages for the playoffs are

9% FG%
14.3% 3-PT%
0% FT%

Oh and he has committed 11 fouls in just 56 minutes.

I'd like to start the "Don't. Play. Mason." movement here at the Underground. Who's with me?

ESPN Punditry Recap Volume 3

2010-05-03T18:01:00.003-05:00

Chris Sheridan this time:

Chris (San Antonio TX):Chris,must the Spurs get a Split in order to beat the Suns or do you think they can go on a run later and still win the series?

Chris Sheridan 3:04 PM: Aside from the Cavs, I feel they are the team most capable of winning on someone else's court at any particular time, which is why I picked them in 7 against Phoenix, meaning they'd have to win that last game on the road.

I'm picking the Spurs in seven also, though I would love for the Spurs to shock the hell outta the Suns something like this:

Jim (Phoenix):I think you're selling the Suns a little too short. The Mavs may have had the best road record this year and didn't get one in San Antonio, but I think Dallas was overrated/lucky this year to get 55 wins. However, I feel Game 1 is more key to their success in this series than it was against Portland. Protecting home court against the Spurs is very important.

Chris Sheridan (3:31 PM): I'm not selling them short. I just think the series will go the distance, and the Spurs will find a way to win that last one on the road. They have been playing like a team possessed, and their supporting guys (Hill, McDyess) will outshine Phoenix's in a winner-take-all game.

While on the surface it may appear as though the Suns are a deeper team in terms of supporting players, the chops displayed by McDyess and Hill against the Mavs show me that they are far and away a better team. I also think that Pop has got the level against his former fellow assistant Mr. Gentry

Josh (Knoxville, TN): What do you think the Spurs will do with Jefferson next year? His salary is big enough to be part of a sign-and-trade for Bosh, but obviously his actual performance doesn't match his salary. Can the Spurs improve with him as a trade piece? Thanks.

Chris Sheridan (3:44 PM): They are stuck with him and his $15 million salary. Peter Holt will have to sell a lot of tractors to pay the luxury tax bill next year, but it'll be worth it if they come out of the West this year. That's why they took on RJ in the first place.

Let's wait until the Spurs are done for the season to see who they are "stuck with", also let's keep an eye on the CBA progress. If it's looking good then RJ may be a key piece in a trade at the deadline next year...and don't forget he may opt out in favor of a longer contract.

Made by Folks in San Antonio Who Know What Pace should Taste Like

2010-05-03T15:46:00.002-05:00

This series is going to come down to a few key match-ups and/or factors. The first as I see it is PACE…the team that best controls the pace (i.e. plays it to their liking) is going to most likely win the series. The Suns’ pace of play works out to 4th out of 30, whereas the Spurs’ ranks 20th. While neither is good or bad, it just shows that one team plays the game a bit faster than the other.

Now, some of you might remember 2005 when the Spurs at times ran just as well as the Suns. With Tony, Manu, George, and Rage on the floor at one time or another, they might still be able to do just that, but I’m not going to count on it.

Just as in Round One, where Tim Duncan did what he could to offset Dirk’s output, I expect for him to try and do the same here with A’mare. If he can account for 50-75%, then I think the Spurs will be in good shape. I’m not expecting Stoudemire to bust out 43 point games this time around as he’s just not quite as explosive anymore, but he will ring ‘em up pretty good just the same. Keep an eye on this second key to the series.

Next we come to bench play. It appears as though the Suns have a few more cogs in their inner workings this time around, but none of them are going to kill the Spurs. Dudley will need to be accounted for, and you might be able to say the same for Frye (but I’m not going to). We’ll get to the other key bench players in a moment.

Finally, Imma gonna say that the most important match-up in this series is going to be backcourt versus backcourt. Parker, Manu, and Hill have to be able to counter and probably surpass the play of Nash, Richardson, Dragic, and Barbosa. Maybe a few minutes of Bogans on Richardson should be counted on here as well. Nash will need to play defense in this series, and if the Spurs can stretch it out, I expect to see him flail a little as the round pounds on. Both Richardson and Dragic can shoot, so chasing them off the line is going to be key to keeping them in check.

One last side bar before wrapping this up. It will be quite interesting to see who got the better of the Dragic/ Blair trade. Given the Bigs that the Suns have lined-up, I expect that Blair just might have a better outing than he did in Round One, which in my mind will put the Spurs up on the Suns (once again).

As much as I’ve said about Pace above, ultimately basketball comes down to match-ups and I think that the Spurs match-up exceedingly well with the Suns, and if they can play like we all know they are capable of then I expect for the Spurs to be sitting pretty in the WCF.

Just too Funny

2010-04-30T13:39:00.002-05:00

Mark Cuban Reacting:

I Was Only Partially Right…

2010-04-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

My prediction for the First Round was that Ginobili and Blair would be the keys to series, turns out that it was Hill and Manu that should split the MVP award for that round. In my mind though, I am going to give Hill the award since he’s only in his second season, and if you toss out Game 1 (which he shouldn’t have played in) his stat line looks like this: 17.2 pts & 4.6 reb. I’d like to see him get a few more assists, but as he’s a Converted 2/ Combo Guard I say that’s fine for now.

To be sure, many of the Spurs had key contributions to the series. Blair did some great things in Game 4, SAM’s smooth shooting on the long two’s and D on Dirk were helpful to say the least, and Tony Parker did some clutch things throughout the series. Duncan was up and down on the measurables, but his presence was key as a steadying force and leader.

I fully expect this to continue in Round Two.

Spurs Get a Favor From the Schedule Maker

2010-04-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that the "old legs" of the key Spurs players will enjoy a weekend lacking in playoff intensity...given the recovery timeline of Robin Lopez, I image that the Suns are liking the delayed start also.

Spurs, Suns tip off series Monday night; S.A. games set for next Friday and Sunday

Mark Cuban: 'I'm not proud of the NBA'

2010-04-30T10:38:00.002-05:00

Here's the specific quote:

"I'm proud of our guys, the way they kept on fighting back. I'm not so proud of the NBA. I'm not proud of my inability over the last 10 years to have the impact like I want to have, so I kind of feel like I owe fans an apology," Cuban said. "But, that's just he way this business goes. But congratulations to the Spurs."

You wanna know why you haven't had the impact you wanted Marky-Mark? Because everyone hates you...David Stern had your picture glazed into the inside of his toilet bowl so that he could take commissioner-sized dumps on your stupid haircut. I know they say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but in real life, when people think you are a whinny annoying little bitch they do their best to ignore you.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban: 'I'm not proud of the NBA' - ESPN Dallas

ESPN Commentary Update: Today's John Hollinger Chat

2010-04-29T18:47:00.003-05:00

At least one of you thinks he's an idiot, but Spurs content is Spurs content....

Joe (NY): I know I am looking ahead but are the Suns better equipped than they were a few years ago to beat the Spurs in the playoffs??

John Hollinger (12:07 PM): Well, they're no longer trying to imitate the Spurs, so that should be a big help, and Duncan isn't the dominating force he once was so the match-up against the Suns' bigs won't be as problematic. Plus, they'll have home court and the Mavs will have softened the Spurs up a bit in terms of wear and tear. I think a lot of things favor Phoenix this time around, assuming both they and San Antonio take care of business tonight.

Ummm...with Lopez out, I'm not seeing how the Big equation is more equal, seems to be that it's about the same as last time...Amare ain't exactly the same player he was when he "torched" Timmy

Andrew (Dallas): Both Dallas and Denver trail 3-2 despite having positive Point Differntials, thoughts?

John Hollinger (12:18 PM): Slightly odd but not altogether unusual for the home-court team after a fifth game due to the 3-2 home-road split, and the fact that a team like the Spurs or Jazz in Game 5 has some incentive to white-flag early when things get out of hand.

Can't say anything about the Jazz/ Nuggets series, because I don't care yet...but Game 5 pretty much screwed the hell out of the averages between the Spurs and Mavs.

Brian (Providence): Which series are you more looking forward to; CLE/BOS or potential (and likely) SAS/PHX?

John Hollinger (12:25 PM): Spurs-Suns, absolutely. Not only because of the history, but because I think the winner will be this year's Western Conference champion.

I think it will be another awesome series like this one has been...don't know why anyone that likes basketball would think otherwise

Steve (Utah): Should Spurs and Jazz fans consider their game 6's at home in essence their game 7's?

John Hollinger (12:36 PM): No, I think each team has a decent shot at winning a seventh game on the road. But you'd much rather not get to that point.

Mav wrecks nation (Dallas, TX): What Texas BBQ sauce do you recommed for the Crow we are going to eat tonight?

John Hollinger (12:40 PM): Easy, now. Dallas looked pretty good the other night and I'm a little worried that Manu's nose is holding him back.

All I'm saying is that I really hope that the Spurs TCB tonight and that Portland does too...having a little extra rest ain't gonna hurt nobody

Spurs' Blair OK after accident

2010-04-29T18:20:00.001-05:00

Lexicon worthy quote below:

Spurs coach Gregg Popovich said Blair was unshaken, but physically unharmed.

Courtside with the Spurs

Manu Ginobili Getting Some Love Today in the Good Ol' USA

2010-04-29T18:12:00.000-05:00

Manu Ginobili embodies Spurs' fighting spirit in playoff push - USATODAY.com

Today in Foregone Conclusions: Tyreke Evans is Rookie of the Year

2010-04-29T16:36:00.001-05:00

There were a few players that made this ever-so slightly not a gimme, but when you look at the season as a whole, this was Evans award no doubt...I guess Obama knows a thing or two about hoops

Tyreke Evans wins NBA Rookie of the Year award - USATODAY.com

Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?

2010-04-28T10:57:00.001-05:00

Chris Sheridan Chat Recap

2010-04-27T18:24:00.002-05:00

For the full Chat go here:E2N

Just a few things to call your attention to today:

Ian (Akron): Who have been the best post season pgs in your opinion?

Chris Sheridan (4:40 PM): Deron Williams, Russell Westbrook, Jameer Nelson, Rajon Rondo, Derrick Rose and George Hill, in that order. On the flip side, Raymond Felton probably cost himself $10 million this postseason. He'll be unrestricted this summer.

Jack (Austin, Texas): You still sticking by your prediction of Mavs winning the series against the Spurs?

Chris Sheridan (4:58 PM): Hating that prediction, but am stuck with it. They looked like a beaten team the other night in much the same manner as they did against G.S. a couple years ago.

My Little Ponies

2010-04-26T19:48:00.002-05:00

Last George Hill Related Post of the Day...I Promise

2010-04-26T19:42:00.001-05:00

From the Dallas Observer:

Dirk was flustered and not very good in Game 4, but where's his help? Duncan goes 1 of 9 but wins because George Hill answers with 5 3-pointers and 29 points. In his gut don't you just know Dirk is asking "Where the eff is my George Hill?!"

Mavs C Dampier fined $35,000 for criticizing refs

2010-04-26T19:12:00.000-05:00

Mavs C Dampier fined $35,000 for criticizing refs - USATODAY.com

Just found this, and it is AWESOME!

2010-04-26T15:31:00.002-05:00

Hardwood Paroxysm

From Best in Show to a Few Stray Dogs

2010-04-26T14:29:00.003-05:00

The Big Three last night were more like " What's the Big Deal With These Three?", yet the Spurs came away from a loss...all thanks to IUPUI.

Last year at this time, we were begging Pop to play Hill more, which he did towards the end of the series. Without those reps, I doubt we'd be seeing what we saw from Hill last night. I'm of the mind, that if Hill had been able to play at 100% in Game One, then this series very well might be over today. if he keeps this up, I say Tony's days as a Spur are numbered.

2010 NBA playoffs: Shawn Marion believes Dallas Mavericks can rally from 3-1 hole

2010-04-26T11:52:00.001-05:00

2010 NBA playoffs: Shawn Marion believes Dallas Mavericks can rally from 3-1 hole - ESPN Dallas...not to count the chickens before the hatch, but Imma gonna say no way to that statement

From Playing like a Dogs to Best in Show

2010-04-22T12:39:00.007-05:00

So now we are back to square one…well sort of, since each team will need three wins out of the next five games to win the series (ah, reminds me of the good ol’ days of five game series in Hemisphere), but in reality coming home 1-1 is pretty much swings the momentum San Antonio’s way so it’s not truly square one.

How did we get here? As the guys at 48MOH will tell you, regression to the mean means a lot when you play the same team over and over and over and over…. Also, much was made of Pop’s derision of his players, some of them at least, as having played liked dogs, and I think that plus adjustments to the line-up, better health of George Hill, and continued scoring excellence of Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili are what made the difference.

Take a look at the box scores from Games One and Two:

Game One

Game Two

A few things should pretty immediately jump out at you.

Richard Jefferson went from 4 points to 19 points.

Tim Duncan went from 6 turnovers to 0 turnovers.

George Hill was able to chip in 7 points in Game 2 versus 0 in Game one

Which brings be to a tangent I’ve been thinking about. You often hear about the ability to play hurt and knowing the difference between being hurt and being injured. I think this leads to players pushing themselves to play when they aren’t quite ready. If Hill would have sat out Game One, I can’t help but think that someone else on the roster could have put his 18 minutes to better use. I mean Temple probably could have done as much or more than three rebounds and two turnovers. Also Tony Parker could have played a few more minutes as well.

This would have most likely meant that George was more rested and better healed for Game Two and the rest of the playoffs…and who knows what it would have meant for Game One.

Continuing on list from above:

All starters in Game One fell on the bad side of the +/- minus scale, whereas in Game Two all starters were at least +6, with the front line all +20 or better

DeJuan Blair has yet to find his groove in the Playoffs (this might be because across two games he’s only played 19 minutes, and that’s what he averaged per game for the entire season)

Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili are playing a bunch of minutes, 40 and 36 respectively for Timmy and 40 and 33 for Manu. This is well above their season averages of 31 and 28, of course this is the playoff and you go big or you go home, but we also have to keep that in check a bit.

I expect a close Game Three, but think the home cooking and familiar confines should push the Spurs up 2-1. Let's jump ball this one now!

Rockets' Brooks to be named NBA's Most Improved Player...In Other News George Hill is Playing for a Team in the Playoffs

2010-04-21T17:00:00.001-05:00

While I guess this is a worthy award, George Hill had a pretty good case as well in the opinion of most Spurs fans...will be interesting to see how the votes shook out.

Rockets' Brooks to be named NBA's Most Improved Player NBA Basketball Chron.com - Houston Chronicle

UPDATE:
Brooks earned 403 of a possible 615 points, including 62 first-place votes, from a panel of 123 sports writers and broadcasters. Kevin Durant of Oklahoma City, George Hill of San Antonio and Marc Gasol of Memphis all tied for second with 101 total points.

Spurs Silver Dancers perform

2010-04-20T17:27:00.001-05:00

Our time with these lovely ladies is coming to a close:

Spurs Silver Dancers perform

Marcus Camby Agrees To Two-Year Contract Extension With Blazers - SB Nation

2010-04-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

Some Spurs fans have been clammoring for the addition of this dude, but it ain't gonna happen anytime soon:

Marcus Camby Agrees To Two-Year Contract Extension With Blazers - SB Nation

John Hollinger Chats the Spurs…

2010-04-15T18:27:00.005-05:00

Okay so any one of you could have copy-pasted this, but you didn’t and I did so I guess that makes me the brains of the operation. What follows below is a collection of questions and answers from today’s chat that touch on Spurs related issues.

Jean (ny)
Does crawford have 6th man locked up?

John Hollinger
Yes. There's been a late push for Manu, who has better overall stats, but if you look most of Manu's damage has come as a starter -- Crawford has nearly 1,000 more minutes as a reserve and his off-the-bench stats rival Ginobili's.

I can agree with this assertion

micah (san antonio)
thank you for being one of the few picking the Spurs (in 6 no less) to beat the Mavs. I have come to trust your mathematical wizardry over the years and I'm putting my trust in your selection (even though only 3 out of the 12 of ya'll picked the Spurs).
John Hollinger
I love how I'm a mathematical wizard if I pick in favor of somebody's team and just some computer nerd if I pick against them.
Such is the nature of homerism John, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles

micah (san antonio)
Was Pop smart to concede to a Spurs/Mavs 1st round by resting Timmy and Manu last night?

John Hollinger
Yes, because that was preferable to playing Utah or Phoenix. True, San Anto lost two of three to Dallas heading into last night, but they went a combined 1-6 against Phoenix and Utah. The fact the Spurs nearly beat them on the road with their backups has to make them feel good about their prospects.

I too think it was a smart move, but not so much because of the “rest” factor, but because it was almost a given that the Spurs and Mavs would be seeing a lot more of each other in the first round, and if either Timmy or Manu got hurt then it would be time to cue the Fat Lady…as it is Hill turned a ankle and that could have your Mom tuning up her vocal chords as it is.

Johan
(Portland, OR)

Lakers road to the finals will look like this: OKC, Jazz, and Mavs. That sure is a lot easier than the Cavs: Bulls, Celtics, and Magic. Don't you agree?

John Hollinger
I think it looks more like OKC, Jazz and Spurs/Suns, and I think it's a lot harder for them to get out of the first two rounds than it will be for Cleveland. Not sure if you've seen Boston lately but they're a spent force; at this point Miami might scare the Cavs more than playing the Celtics does.

Matt (San Antonio TX)
So I am guessing you still think the mavs wont make it far correct?

John Hollinger
That's correct, although they played much better in that five-game streak to end the season. They didn't get a real friendly draw either, despite landing the No. 2 seed they would have to face the two hottest teams in the conference back-to-back to make the WCF.

Bill (PA)
if you had to bet on 1 first round upset, what would it be?

John Hollinger
Spurs-Mavs. Just think San Antonio was playing at a really high level to end the season and they can do a lot of damage if their creaky vets are in good health.

I know seedings are seedings, but when it comes to Spurs-Mavs you can pretty much throw them out the window. There’s so much underlying hatred between these two teams that they each take it to another level…so sure play the underdog card all you want, but I am expecting knock-down, drag-out games in this one

Josh (Knoxville, TN)
A couple years ago you had LA beating the Spurs in 5 games b/c that's what the numbers said. I thought you were crazy, but it went 4-1 LA. Of course, the series was actually much closer than that (Spurs falling apart in Game 1 and Joey Crawford exacting his revenge on SA), but I had to give you props. Think you nailed the Spurs losing to Dallas last year too. And I also remember you hitting the Spurs spot on for their last Championship when everyone else said Dallas. So I say you're a wizard whether you favor the Spurs or not.

John Hollinger
I've had an inordinate amount of success picking Spurs' series for some reason, with one exception (had the Hornets beating them in 7 two years ago; it went 7 but Spurs won). Let's see if it continues this year, I do believe they'll beat Dallas but after that the match-ups are pretty much 50-50 propositions.

I know that everyone is SA-town is hoping that prognosticating luck comes through this time also

Brock (Dallas)
You talk above about how the Spurs were smart for sitting Tim and Manu but yet you forget to mention Dallas sat Caron and Jason Kidd was on the bench for most of the game

John Hollinger
Butler played 39 minutes, Kidd played 28. Not sure what game you were at.

Silly Mavs fan, brains are for using

Steve (Washington)
I heard RJ might opt out in San Antonio? Could the Spurs really be that lucky, and
what would that do to their summer?

John Hollinger
Better chance of a Bulls-Thunder Finals than there is of RJ opting out. Not believing that story for even one second.
Only way that RJ opts out is if he thinks he’s getting married to the Spurs, then he’ll drop-out one day before the deadline and send a parting gift to boot

Sebastian (Krakow, Poland)
Who did you have last year in the Mavs-Spurs series? As a Mavs fan I need to know whether to start worrying.

John Hollinger
I had Dallas in six, and then in the second round I had Denver in seven.

Again, We all hope you’re right on this time again

Matt (SA)
After last nights performance, would you say dejuan blair is gonna be a factor in the Spurs Mavs matchup?

John Hollinger
Not sure. He was playing center, and the Spurs already have a pretty decent one with Tim Duncan, even if we're not allowed to publicly acknowledge that he's a center. So I'm not sure Blair gets more than 10-12 minutes. Can he be a factor in those minutes? Absolutely. But he's not going for 20-20.

Mark it down now, this series will be won on the backs of DeJaun Blair and Manu Ginobili…The Mavs will most likely put Matrix on Tony when he’s in and Butler on Jefferson that means that JKidd will have to try and guard Manu and/or Hill…Jason’s a smart and crafty player, but Manu will make him eat his skidmarks, and if Hill is confident and healthyhe could do some damage there too.

If however, Butler ends up on Manu then JKidd has to try and cover RJ or TP, and if they are smart then they'll take it to the rim every chance they get.

I think that Haywood has a shot at playing Timmy pretty effectively, and I see Duncan making more of a mark as a facilitator and defensive presence than on the bottom line. Dirk will get the
cush job of “guarding” whomever is left whether it be Dice, Blair, Bonner,Mason, or Bogans. Here’s where Blair comes in, Dirk doesn’t want to bang and battle for rebounds and loose balls so the Beast should be able to do some damage doing what he does best: creating havoc and opportunity.

Things will be a bit different when Barrea and Beaubois are on the court, at which time I
expect to see them on Tony or Hill, and the Mavs defense to benefit from that due to "trickle down"…depending on whom is on the court with whom of course.

On the defensive end, I see Duncan playing Haywood and Dampier, Tony and Hill on JKidd et al,
Manu/Bogans on Terry and Butler, Jefferson on Butler and Marion, and Dice and
Blair on Dirk. Bonner could get some spot time on the German as well, but he’d be best served being on the court when Dirk sits if you ask me.

So to recap:
Manu’s ability to scorch JKidd and play effective defense on Terry and Butler as well as Blair’s ability to bang the crap out of Dirk, haul in rebounds, and learn on the fly will likely be the keys to the game.

Let's Play: FIX THE CBA!

2010-04-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

So what you will see below are some spit-ballin’, brain-stormin, off-the-cuff ideas for breathing some life back into the NBA. These aren’t all necessarily good ideas, but maybe a few of them are. What I am looking to accomplish will these ideas is: increase player movement between teams, provide a greater level of opportunity for players, increase parity, and make it harder for big market teams to dominate while also giving the owners a bit more cash and flexibility. Add any ideas you see fit below.

· Expand draft to three rounds
· Make the NBDL a true “minor” league (vet’s can be assigned there for injury rehab, etc.)
· A player can be sent to NBDL for their entire rookie contract
· Increase amount teams can contribute to a buy-out to $1mil
· End salary holds for free agents
· Reduce max length of contracts to 5 years, no bonus year for “Bird Rights”
· Change age limits for draft:
Player must be 20 by draft date to be selected
Players are automatically eligible for draft @ if 23 on draft day
· NBDL players can be drafted in NBA draft if they’ve never been drafted before
· Adjust rookie salary scale so that 1st pick value starts @ MLE value, follow same percentage reduction as it currently exists
· Change trade rules to: salaries must match 133% plus $125K
· Keep the luxury tax, but make payments equal to $1.25 for every dollar over the line
· Revenue shall be split 50/50 between owners and players
· Prohibit trade kickers
· Enable “no-trade” clauses in some manner (i.e. only one player per team, only for first three years of a contract, etc.)
· Re-enact the “Michael Finely” rule

Tony Parker cleared to rejoin Spurs after breaking hand - USATODAY.com

2010-04-06T17:57:00.000-05:00

Tony Parker cleared to rejoin Spurs after breaking hand - USATODAY.com

10 % of Tim Duncan no Longer Enough

2010-03-18T12:00:00.001-05:00

Tim Duncan had arguably the worst game of his career last night (by the way I just fell prey to one of my own pet peeves…of course anything can be argued, why do we even have the word “arguably” in our language?).
Of course, given his 12 years of steady domination, we really can’t hold this one against him, but it sure was bad timing (not to mention a royal suck for my fantasy team…I’m the 8th seed in my league and about to get my ass handed to me).
I halfway expect Timmy to come back and have a dominate night on Friday… of course the Gun Shot Wounds aren’t the most formidable of opponents nor to they have what you would call a stand out Big for him to battle with so that might have happened regardless of last night

The Prodigal Son Returns

2009-09-23T20:56:00.004-05:00

Hey all 5 of our followers, how's it goin? We've been absent for a few months because let's face it, it's the offseason. I know stuff has happened but I have been busy. Hos and such.

Anyways let's get the ball rolling with a favorite feature of mine. Rick Reilly and his 800 Words returns this week where we find our comedian-turned-sports columnist telling us how Michael Jordan is a prick. Gee thanks for the heads up Rick! Here we go...

Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame talk was the Exxon Valdez of speeches.

It killed hundreds of baby seals and ocean birds.

It was, by turns, rude, vindictive and flammable. And that was just when he was trying to be funny. It was tactless, egotistical and unbecoming. When it was done, nobody wanted to be like Mike.

Except all those people who do want to be like Mike. As in every basketball player since 1989.

And yet we couldn't stop watching.

It's like a train wreck only Charles Barkley is here and he's WAAAASTED.

Because this was an inside look into the mindset of an icon who'd never let anybody inside before.

Insulting and calling people out is "letting us in"?

From what I saw, I'd never want to go back. Here is a man who's won just about everything there is to win -- six NBA titles, five MVPs and two Olympics golds. And yet he sounded like a guy who's been screwed out of every trophy ever minted.

Cuz he's a dick. This is something new to you Rick?

He's the world's first sore winner.

Not really. Ever heard of Reggie Jackson?

In the entire 23-minute cringe-athon, there were only six thank yous, seven if you count his sarcastic rip at the very Hall that was inducting him. "Thank you, Hall of Fame, for raising ticket prices, I guess," he sneered.

How could you not thank them for the complimentary dental floss? YOU NEVER NEGLECT YOUR TEETH!!!

By comparison, David Robinson's classy and heartfelt seven-minute speech had 17. Joe Montana's even shorter speech in Canton had 23.

Count these: Thank you for counting my thank yous douchetassle.

Who wrote your speech Mike? Kanye West?

Oh Rick Reilly. So up with popular culture. Next thing you know Rick will be asking us when Bruno Maglis went out of style. Hint: Never.

Not that Jordan's speech wasn't from the heart. It was. It's just that Jordan's heart on this night could give you frostbite.

Or any other night. Seriously, you didn't know he's a huge dick?

Nobody was spared, including his high school coach, his high school teammate, his college coach, two of his pro coaches, his college roommate, his pro owner, his pro general manager, the man who was presenting him that evening, even his kids!

You could've just left it at, "nobody was spared". I didn't think maybe he had spared the corpse of Saddam Hussein.

"I wouldn't want to be you guys if I had to," he said as they squirmed in their seats.

Rick Reilly enjoys detailing the squirming habits of children.

He even mocked his own brothers, calling them maybe 5-foot-5 and 5-6. Actually, they're about 5-8 and 5-9.

Yeah so fuck off Mike! We don't need you to fucking tell us how tall we are. That's what we have Rick Reilly for.

Michael was the one blessed with the height gene, not the tact one.

You were blessed with the Tooth-Simile Gene. Or the Sappy-Story-with-a-Sad-Ending Gene.

Jordan had decided that this was the perfect night to list all the ways everybody sitting in front of him had pissed him off over the past 30 years: Dean Smith, Doug Collins, Jerry Reinsdorf, Pat Riley, Isiah Thomas, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, George Gervin and Jeff Van Gundy. It was the only one-man roast in Hall of Fame history.

We get it. "Nobody was spared." MOVE. ON.

Only very little of it was funny.

I thought it was pretty funny. I mean, how often to you get to see the greatest basketball player of all time eviscerate his friends and colleagues? I had a good chuckle I'll tell ya.

He was like that Japanese World War II soldier they found hiding in a cave in Guam 27 years after the Japanese surrendered.

No he wasn't but let's see where you're taking this simile. Can't wait.

The only difference is, Jordan won!

Or how about the fact that they're nothing alike...at all...not even metaphorically.

What good is victory if you never realize the battle is over?

He knows the battle is over. He just likes rubbing peoples' faces in their losses.

This is how Jordan really is, I just never thought he'd let the world see it.

Excellent idea for a column then. Everyone knows he's a prick but hey, let's write about it anyways!

And suddenly, it hit you: Michael Jordan is the guy who gets up at the rehearsal dinner, grabs the mike and ruins the night.

Kinda like how you ruined SportsIllustrated?

Jordan owes a roomful of apologies. But it'll never happen. I know firsthand.

HE WRONGED ME

Before his second comeback -- with the Washington Wizards -- I was the first out with the story by a month.

Celebrate me! Praise me! Love me!!!

Jordan and his agent, David Falk, denied it, said I was crazy, practically said I was smoking something.

Rick Reilly doesn't smoke the pot because he's a D.A.R.E. graduate.

Then, after a month of lies, Jordan admitted it was all true. I saw him in the locker room before his first game back and said, "You wanna say something to me, maybe?"

"Your teeth are FAAAAABULOUS"

And he said, "You know you don't get no apologies in this business."

I can see Reilly walking away like Charlie Brown after Jordan crushed his hopes and dreams of an apology.

So I wouldn't hold your breath.

We won't.

They called it an "acceptance" speech, but the last thing Jordan seems to be able to do is accept it's over. In fact, Jordan hinted that he might make yet another comeback at 50.

And you'll be there to seek an apology for his acceptance speech right?

I just hope Comeback No. 3 doesn't come with a speech.

Because then I'm really screwed.

Now I kind of hope there is a comeback just so we can get a Reilly-bashing speech along with it.

Antonio McDyess Also Has a Gold Medal

2009-07-10T21:36:00.005-05:00

McDyess Hungry! Feed McDyess!

This off-season has been pretty damn good so far for the Spurs. It all started with the trade for Richard Jefferson. Many people, including people whose opinion actually matters, think the Jefferson trade was one of if not the most crucial deal for any team. It's obviously impossible to say it was at this point, before he has played a single minute for the Spurs. But fortunately for us and the Spurs, it didn't end there.

Draft night came and the Spurs we given the gift of seeing DeJuan Blair on the board at 37. "Why thank you other GMs, we will take the best rebounder in the draft." Apparently his nickname is Grizzly Blair. Apt. Even if the Spurs hadn't also been able to draft one of the best shooters/defenders in the draft, it would have been a success. But along came Jack McClinton. If you doubt his range you should watch this. What a great off-season already right? But wait, our front line consists of Tim Duncan, two guys who have practically no experience in the league, and Gingerhead Man. What a shitfest that could turn out to be. At least Rasheed Wallace is a free agent...

Man...why do I suck so much at being tall?

"FUCK YOU RASHEED WALLACE!!!" (me and every Spurs fan on July 5th) It's just a shame he was the only legit big man left in free agency (still laughing at the Marcin Gortat signing...$34 million). Antonio McDyess? Doesn't he not have knees either or something? Well sort of. He did rupture his patellar tendon and was bothered by that for several years. But he has been a very durable big man these past few years, playing in all 82 games in 2005/2006 and 2006/2007. He played in 78 games the next year and 62 last year (he had to sit out a month because he re-signed with the Pistons after being traded by them to Denver). Durability is all fine and good, but can he play? Stats time!!!

He became a starter for the Pistons in 2007/2008. He started all 78 games he played in and did fairly well in somewhat limited minutes.

MPG: 29.3
PPG: 8.8
DRPG: 5.9
ORPG: 2.6
FG%: 48.8%

If you extrapolate those numbers to 40 minutes a game you get:

PPG: 12
DRPG: 8.05
ORPG: 3.5

That would be 12 PPG and 11.5 RPG. not too shabby for a 33 old with a shaky knee. Now let's look at last year.

MPG: 30.1
PPG: 9.6
DRPG: 6.8
ORPG: 3.0
FG%: 51%

Extrapolated:

PPG: 12.8
DRPG: 9.03
ORPG: 3.98

Totals at 12.8 PPG and 13 RPG. Those are pretty great rebounding numbers for 40 minutes. And I'm not saying he'll play 40 minutes a game next year, but it give us a good comparison point (Duncan would be at 12.73 RPG if his numbers were averaged at 40 minutes a game).

What about his defense? We can head over to 82games for help with that question.

For the 2008/2009 season we have his defensive numbers (opponents by position):

Power Forward
FGA: 16.3
FG%: 49.7%
Reb: 9.5
T/O: 1.8
Pts: 19.8
PER: 17.4

Center
FGA: 14.0
FG%: 51.3%
Reb: 11.6
T/O: 1.5
Pts: 20.5
PER: 20.7

Ouch. But Ankle Bones, why would the Spurs sign him if he sucked so hard at defense? To that I would say, "You realize they also wanted Matt Bonner and Jackie Butler right?" I kid, but seriously you have to take into account the type of defense he was required to play with Detroit. Jason Maxiell and Rasheed Wallace were their big men. Wallace is a good defender even though his D fell off last year. But McDyess was their other main post defender. He wasn't a help defender (pistons fans can correct me if I'm wrong). In the Spurs defensive scheme his primary concerns will be 1) rebounding, 2) coming over to help on defense, and 3) hitting open jumpers. For all teams other than the Lakers, he won't need to defend their big man one-on-one. That's not to say he won't be asked to do it, but his numbers will likely go down with his shift to helping Tim Duncan on defense rather than manning up on the other team's biggest player.

All in all I really like the McDyess signing. It was a cherry on top to the off season. A blowjob to go with the sundae would be getting rid of Michael Finley. But we'll have to wait and see on that one. With a lineup* like this, I see the Spurs winning a lot of games next year:

PG - Tony Parker - George Hill
SG - Roger Mason Jr. - Manu Ginobili
SF - Richard Jefferson - Malik Hairston (god willing) - Michael Finley
PF - Tim Duncan - DeJuan Blair - Marcus Haislip
C - Antonio McDyess - Ian Mahinmi - Matt Bonner

Throw in Marcus Williams, Jack McClinton, or even Bruce Bowen and that's a legitimate title contender.

* - the lineups will be more fluid than that. e.g. you might see Mahinmi at PF or Finley at SG.

Crazy Ron Goes to Hollywood

2009-07-03T12:44:00.006-05:00

Reports are that Ron Artest will sign a 3 year, ~$18 million deal (or possibly a 5 year, ~$33 million deal) with the Lakers once the Free Agent signing moratorium ends on the 8th. This news has been plastered all over the interwebs and TV (ESPN mostly). The question is, what does this mean for the rest of the league? Excellent question! Let's discuss shall we?

This means Trevor Ariza is gone (he has agreed to sign with Houston). While this may seem like a lateral move at worst considering Artest's defense and experience, you have to take into consideration the different types of players Ariza and Artest are. Ariza is lanky and quick while Artest is big and (somewhat) slow. Artest is a better defender though and has shown he can guard big shooting guards and most small forwards. His size almost hurts him though as it's not certain he can guard the quicker shooting guards and small forwards. Manu Ginobili, who has actually had trouble against Artest in the past, and Richard Jefferson will likely be the main focuses for Artest next season. Jefferson hasn't really had trouble scoring on Artest but they're both entering new systems. If Jefferson remains a primary cutter instead of a ball handler, where Artest could use his body more, I think Artest will have a rough time staying with Jefferson.

Thanks to 82games.com, we see that Artest's defense was less than spectacular last season. He allowed 45.9% shooting (16 PPG 12.3 PER) from the small forwards he guarded and 50% (18.0 PPG 16.4 PER) from the power forwards he guarded. Since Houston had Shane Battier, Artest was rarely if ever put on shooting guards. It's interesting to note he got absolutely TORCHED by Kobe while Battier did a very good job on him.

Compared to Ariza, Artest's defense was actually pretty good. Ariza struggled against shooting guards (69% FG, 20.6 PPG, 20.1 PER) and to a lesser extent small forwards (48.8% FG, 19.1 PPG, 16.0 PER). The more startling numbers were his stats against power forwards. They were held to 43% FG, 12.3 PPG, and 18.3 PER while Ariza was guarding them.

The thing Ariza did so well was guard quick point guards. 82games doesn't have enough numbers to give an adequate picture of how well Ariza did on guys like Parker. I think all Spurs fans remember how much trouble Parker had getting by and getting a shot off against Ariza. In that area, it's a clear move backward for the Lakers. The only people left to defend the Parkers of the league are Derek Fisher (he only defends with flops) and Jordan Farmar (who might be on the trading block). I expect to see Parker have huge games against the Lakers next season.

I might be in the minority on this but I think this move tightens the gap between the Spurs and Lakers. Artest might do well on Ginobili but it's likely Kobe will guard him mostly. If Artest is put on Manu, all Pop would have to do is bring in Jefferson. Kobe is quick enough to guard RJ, but RJ has a slight height advantage. It would be an interesting matchup. I don't think Odom is good enough defensively to have any kind of impact on Jefferson. Ariza could defend anyone from Parker to (now) Jefferson. The Lakers will miss that versatility.

All in all these might be silver-n-black colored glasses. But there isn't a guy on the Spurs Artest was made to defend. Plus he's a terrible ball handler and takes stupid shots. Oh and he has some mental issues...But good luck with him LA. Every Spurs fan and I hope you'll need it.

Getting to Know Your Spurs Draft Picks

2009-06-28T19:47:00.006-05:00

I have to say, its quite strange to be actually happy after a Spurs draft. Generally my feelings about the draft range from befuddled to murderous rage (Example from 08: WHO THE FUCK IS GEORGE HILL). Going into NBA Draft 09 with only second-round picks, the Spurs fandom ranged anywhere from "We'll move up and get Casspi" to "I hope Pop dies in a fire". I honestly could have cared less about the Draft. I did not research one possible pick for the Spurs. Not one obscure white foreign player. Not one unheralded NCAA player. I only cared if the Thunder would pick Rubio and become 100% awesome (as well as have 100 turnovers a game). I assumed that the Spurs would pick some 17 year old pimple faced guys with names like Zoran Garko, stash him in Europe, and that we fans would be satisfied with RJ coming over.

I enjoy being wrong.

Calling this draft a home run is like calling that moon shot that Pujols hit off of Brad Lidge a few years back a home run. It just doesn't do the event justice. When a team has only second-rounds picks and is a given an A+ by the top draft gurus, that's pretty badass. With that said, meet your three draft picks and probably two new 09-10 San Antonio Spurs!

DeJuan Blair (Pitt)

On behalf of all Spurs fans, I'd like to say thank you to the other 29 NBA franchise's GM's for being stupid, their Assistant GMs for being blind, their scouts for being crazy, and their coaches for sucking. Thank you for letting the best rebounder in college basketball fall to us. I'd like to say a very special thanks to the Phoenix Suns, who enabled this mini-miracle to happen. Thank you Steve Kerr and Robert Sarver for letting us rob you last year. I'm no fancy-pants Arizona guy, but even I can figure out that trading a draft pick, a future pick + cash for a mentally and physically soft Euro PG is not a super idea. So anyway Kerr, thanks for 03, thanks for Hairston, and thanks for Blair.

Here's what you need to know about Blair: He's an incredibly gifted rebounder, even though he's a bit undersized (6'7"), he runs with a high motor, and he backs down from NO MAN.

Check out the link for a video of him fucking destroying.

Now, he did fall to the 37th pick for a reason. He has no ACLs. At all. This hasn't been an issue in college, and to be perfectly honest with you, we are going to blow our load these next two years anyway, I'm not worried with DeJuan being the 'future' or anything.

Jack McClinton (Miami [OH])

When this pick was first announced, he sounded like camp fodder because the ESPN crew didn't talk about how awesome he was. RC Buford, on Spurs.com, set the record straight: McClinton not only was probably the best shooter in the NCAA, he's also the best defender that the Spurs worked out. He's a very undersized shooting guard (6'1"), but that didn't seem to bother anyone. I have seen a few blogs and message boards say that Jack is an "Eddie House clone." Quit insulting Jack. He's more like a rich man's Eddie House. He's got the same great shooting off of catch-and-shoot and off of screens, but he's a very good ball handler, can create his own shot, and drive to the cup and finish. And, more importantly, play (apparently) great defense. Buford made the comment that Pop and himself forsee Jack getting time at the 2 guard with George Hill because Hill is such a versatile defender. If this dude has a good summer league and makes the roster (he will), our offense just become that much more deadly.

Here's a link of Jack going off against the Tar Heels.

Yeah....he can shoot.
----
I'm not going to write up a piece on Nando De Colo, because the very awesome alpineballer wrote a great guest piece on foreign prospects and De Colo was part of that. I can't tell you anything our resident European basketball expert can't. Link

This is a very exciting time to be a Spurs fan. A blockbuster trade that adds some real juice to the squad, a great draft, and an overall commitment to becoming younger. Hill, Blair, McClinton, Mahinmi are all under the age of 25. The person who really made this all happen is not RC or Pop, but the Spurs ownership group, beginning with Peter Holt. He opened his pocketbook and challenged the brain trust to make this team better, to be aggressive in chasing down trades and free agents. This is a rare quality in the No Benjamins Association.

Gasol Trade? The New Trade of the Decade

2009-06-23T13:12:00.005-05:00

We got him.

Everyone is reporting that the deal is done. Richard Jefferson (2008/2009 19.6 PPG, 4.6 RPG, 2.4 APG) will be a Spur while Bruce Bowen, Fabricio Oberto, and Kurt Thomas will be new members of the Bucks. It's a clear cost cutting move from the Bucks perspective and it's hard to blame them. After all, it is Milwaukee. This move thins out the Spurs front court a bit. It's impossible to say what the Bucks will do at this point, though it looks as if Bruce will be cut. It's possible Oberto is also cut (making it possible for both of them to re-sign with the Spurs). With the draft still a couple days away and the FA signing period beginning in a week, we have to guess as to who the Spurs plan on being the big men next year. Let's look at the current situation.

Currently signed for next year:

Tim Duncan (don't think he's going anywhere)
Matt Bonner (could still be trade bait)
Ian Mahinmi (will have to show he can play in he big leagues before his money becomes guaranteed aka before he gets cut)

Free Agent from 2008/2009:

Drew Gooden - Has publicly stated he would love to play for the Spurs. But then again, any person looking for a contract would say that to possibly start a bidding "war". The more teams that are interested, the better. He showed last year that he could score better than any other big man not named Tim Duncan and that he could be a capable defender when needed. I can't see anyone offering him more than the MLE. The question is, will the Spurs be able to find someone better for the MLE?

There's also the draft (Thursday Night). The Spurs don't have the best track record when it comes to developing guys right out of the draft (George Hill played behind Mason at point remember). Plus as of now the Spurs only have second round picks. As I have so eloquently put before, second rounders usually suck worse than Kobe at lying. There have been musings that the Spurs are trying to move up in the draft. Though originally it was presumed that they would move up to get Casspi. It's hard to see that happening now that Jefferson is a Spur. While SF is still somewhat thin, C and PF are even thinner. And let's be real, they're not trading up to get Thabeet.

So what does this all mean? It means that the Spurs will be actively trying to get a decent big man for the MLE. It's also possible they go after less qualified big men and split up the MLE for more than one player. Oh and they now have one of the most jizztacular starting lineups in the league:

PG - Tony Parker (All-Star and Finals MVP)
SG - Roger Mason Jr. (Sniper, Clutch-City)
SF - Richard Jefferson (Highlight Reel, 20 PPG)
PF - Tim Duncan (He's Pretty Good)
C - Who Cares (let's hope for Mahinmi)

And a certain Manu Ginobili will be coming off the bench. I think I filled the cup.

Edit: Important to note that the MLE still counts toward the Luxury Tax. So instead of signing someone (or a couple guys) for $5+ million, it would double due to being over the luxury tax threshold. It's still possible they don't use all the MLE because of this.

Tim Duncan Has Been Disrespected

2009-05-25T10:53:00.005-05:00

I hate to come back to the blog to have to do this but it was brought to my attention that someone at bareknucks.com is stupid and knows nothing about basketball.

Duncan is a great player, but I think it’s ridiculous to say he’s the best PF in the history of the NBA. Top 10? Absolutely. The best? No way!

Clearly you can tell by the structure of these sentences that this isn't a national publication or anything resembling a respected news outlet. It came from a blog. A blog that has a bigger readership than ours. Yet, as we can see, this person is a fucking moron. Since Rick Reilly hasn't done a new NBA related column lately, I'll go through this moron's blog post and dissect it for you guys. You should be able to tell which text is from him but I'll still put his in a different color. Prepare to be amazed.

Tim Duncan: The greatest power forward to play the game? He isn’t even the best PF in the NBA right now

snazzy title.

When the debate of the best Power Forward to ever play the game is brought up, Tim Duncan seems to be the trendy pick. I can’t consent with this for a couple of reasons.

I'm glad we need your consen...oh wait we don't. You're just a blogger. And someone being a "trendy pick" usually means they're pretty good numbnuts.

Tim Duncan isn’t even the best Power Forward in the NBA right now:

I can see by your wonderful logic skills that you don't know how irrelevant this is when talking about Tim Duncan's legacy as the greatest Power Foward of all time. Kobe Bryant isn't the most versatile SG in the league right now. That must mean he never was and wasn't the best SG in the league. STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD!!!!

How can we say Duncan is the best PF ever, when he’s not even the best in the league at this moment in time?

Hi, my name is Bob and I'm a recovering dumbshit.

Or the past decade for that matter?! Have we forgotten about Dirk Nowitzki and Kevin Garnett?

No, why should I care about them when they clearly weren't as good as Duncan?

The infamous ring argument:

I can see where this is going...

One will be quick to bring up the fact that Duncan has 4 championship rings while Dirk has a goose egg and KG boasts only 1 finger’s worth, but do rings really matter when we are talking about pure talent?

Excellent run-on sentence. I'll give one a try. Championship Rings having nothing to do with talent is like saying wang size has nothing to do with how pleasing sex is to a woman, ok that's a bad example but you get the point and to say that rings shouldn't factor in at all is beyond asinine. *deep breaths* Absolutely rings matter when you're talking about pure talent. Are you trying to claim Dirk and Garnett had worse supporting casts than Duncan? Have you ever watched basketball sir? If Duncan is on last year's Celtics instead of KG, the C's don't go to 7 games in ANY of those series. As our friend Peter King would say, he defines clutch. KG and Dirk define choke. It's just so laughable that you would bring up those two guys as arguments against Duncan being the best PF of the last decade. But seriously, keep going.

I mean, when we say ‘The best power forward ever,’ I interpret that as the PF with the best skill set, NOT the player who has had a more successful career.

Because Dirk plays great defensive. And KG can post up anyone who guards him. Really, keep going.

So many people use the ring argument when trying to justify a player’s abilities, but if that was the case Robert Horry (7 rings) would trump the players mentioned above. Nothing against Big Shot Bob, but is he better than Duncan, Nowitzki or Garnett? Hell no!

Do you see what we're dealing with here? This guy doesn't understand the difference between using rings as an argument for leadership and determination and using rings to justify a role player's place in the league. Bob is dealing in absolutes. "If you use rings as an argument, you have to use it for everyone. If someone has more than another person, you can't say that person was better NO MATTER WHAT." Garnett and Nowitzki were both the leaders of their respective teams. And until last year (when Garnett got two all-stars to play with), neither of them could push their team to the end. Whereas Duncan, who has NEVER had more than one all-star teammate (in the same season), has been the dominating factor for his team for three titles. Titles matter Bob. If you weren't a Denver Nuggets fan you'd know that.

The Numbers (Career Averages):

Garnett: 20.2 ppg, 11.1 rpg

Nowitzki: 22.7 ppg, 8.6 rpg

Duncan: 21.4 ppg, 11.7 rpg

Uh, thanks? These numbers also shed some light on things:

Duncan: ROY, 11-time NBA All-Star (ten First Team nominations), 12-time All-NBA (nine First Team nominations), 12-time All-Defensive (eight First Team nominations), 2-Time League MVP, 3-time Finals MVP

Garnett: 12-time NBA All-Star, 9-time All-NBA (four First Team nominations), 9-time All Defensive (seven First Team nominations), 1 MVP

Nowitzki: 8-time NBA All-Star, 9-time All-NBA, 1 MVP

You're right Bob, Duncan isn't even close to being as good as these two.

Conclusion:

You're a dumbass?

Dirk, KG and Timmay all have similar career statistics

Not really. But I guess if you ignore defense then yeah, they do. Defense is only half the game right? No one cares about that.

and have all been a large part of their team’s success.

Or lack thereof.

However, if you put Dirk or KG on a Spurs team with David Robinson or players like Tony Parker and Manu Ginobli, they will win just as many, if not more championship rings.

More? Really? Because Dirk didn't have Steve Nash (~~3-time MVP)~~ 2-time MVP [Ed: I really need to check for typos before I go exaggerating Canadian stats], Michael Finley (when he was good), Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhouse (also when he was good), and Josh Howard? And Garnett didn't have Sam Cassell, Latrell Sprewell, Joe Smith, Chauncey Billups, and Stephon Marbury? Get a clue Bob.

Given Dirk and KG’s versatility, I’d say they are better PFs than Tim Duncan.

What versatility? KG can't post anyone up and Dirk can basically only shoot jump shots. Are you fucking kidding me with this?

Duncan is a great player, but I think it’s ridiculous to say he’s the best PF in the history of the NBA. Top 10? Absolutely. The best? No way!

Thanks. I feel a whole lot dumber having read this.

Link

The Ones That Got Away: European Edition

2009-05-06T06:57:00.014-05:00

Since the season is over we now have so much free time to dissect and discuss what the Front Office has done right/wrong in the past few years. The Spurs have been one of the more "Euro" centric franchises in the past decade. Overall they have drafted 10 international players since 2001. But how many of those players have actually made it over to the NBA? Well that's what I'm here to tell you.

2001 Draft:
28th pick - Tony Parker
56th pick - Robertas Javtokas aka The Beast aka Shark Man aka Savior of the World

Robertas Javtokas

What a sexy beast

With the third to last pick in the draft the Spurs selected Javtokas. They actually acquired that pick from the Lakers. The players selected around Javtokas were Maurice Jeffers and Alvin Jones. I would tell you the order of those picks but it doesn't matter. Less than a year after being selected in the draft Robertas had a horrible motorcycle accident. They say doctors were skeptical that he'd ever play basketball again. Thanks to money from the Spurs organization he had the best recovery money could buy. It took him two years to come back and once he did he wasn't as athletic and spry as he had been before the crash. How athletic was he before the crash? Oh well he could dunk on a 12 ft basket (one that was actually 12 ft Dwight Howard). No biggie. He's been doing fairly well in Europe but hasn't really broken out and impressed enough to warrant the Spurs (or anyone else) bringing him over to the NBA. If you watched the Olympics last year you may have noticed him playing for his home country of Lithuania. He played pretty well against Dwight Howard but his offensive game is quite limited against players that are bigger than him.

Chance we ever see him in a Spurs jersey: 10%
Spurs need ANY big they can find but I think his time has passed.

2002 Draft:
26th pick - John Salmons
55th pick - Luis Scola

Luis Scola

Not such a sexy beast

Another late second round pick (from the Lakers again) that promised to yield help for Tim Duncan in the frontcourt. Scola was only 22 when he was drafted but even then he was seen as one of the best players in Europe. There has been a lot of shit flung around regarding Scola and what did and didn't happen during his negotiations with the Spurs. From what I hear, the Spurs actually chose Oberto then Jackie Butler then Bonner over Scola. There may have been some less than cordial words exchanged between Scola (or his agent) and R.C. Buford. Whatever the case may be, the buyout from TAU was around $3 million. The most the Spurs could have paid directly to TAU was $500,000. That means that Scola himself would have had to pay the $2.5 million difference. Guess how much Oberto and Bonner get paid. There were rumors that the Front Office didn't think Scola's game would fit in with Duncan's. I think that is pure bullshit. They're both post players but I think we can see what happens when you only have one post player on your team (4-1 series losses come to mind).

Chance we ever see him in a Spurs jersey: 20%

Scola is a Restricted Free Agent in 2010. Hey Manu Ginobili, make it happen.

2003 Draft:
28th pick - Leandro Barbosa

Leandro Barbosa

sulk sulk sulk sulk sulk

The Spurs were picking for the Suns. End of story. Barbosa was NEVER going to be a Spur. Nothing to see here.

Chance we ever see him in a Spurs jersey: <1%
He doesn't play defense and jacks up stupid shots. Since his name isn't Michael Finley, I doubt we ever see him wear Silver and Black.

2004 Draft:
28th pick - Beno Udrih
*42nd pick by Atlanta Hawks - Viktor Sanikidze*
52nd pick - Romain Sato
57th pick - Sergei Karaulov

Viktor Sanikidze

From the Shaun Livingston Diet we bring you...

Sanikidze was drafted by the Hawks but it was most likely directly for the Spurs. There was a draft day trade that sent a second round pick (turned into Cenk Akyol!!!) and cash to the Hawks for Sanikidze. The good thing about Sanikidze is that he's still young. He just turned 23 last month. The bad news is he hasn't progressed since he was drafted 5 years ago. He has the athleticism but it's a big question whether he has the skills and IQ to be an NBA player. On the plus side he just won a dunk contest! Woooo! Of course that means Pop hates the guy and will trade him to Dallas for a stale fart and Mark Cuban's toe-nail clippings.

Chance we ever see him in a Spurs jersey: 25%
He's back on track it seems so at the very least we can hope he gets invited to the Summer League (as he was in 2007).

Sergei Karaulov

jesus christ...

The 2004 Draft was a whole lotta crap for the Spurs. We all know what happened to Beno. Romain Sato looked promising but never made it to the team (and didn't technically make the list because he played at Xavier. Don't you dare look up Javtokas' record). The culmination of the suckitude was the third to last pick in Sergei Karaulov. Another big man that was supposed to help Tim Duncan but never panned out. At least this guy was never good enough to fight over ala Scola. Word is Karaluov pissed off some Russian Mobsters and is now a bouncer at a seedy Moscow nightclub. I'm just kidding. No one has any idea where this kid is or what he's doing.

Chance we see him in a Spurs jersey: 0%
He sucks.

2005 Draft:
28th pick - Ian Mahinmi aka Jesus

Ian Mahinmi

whoops sorry THIS is Jesus

The ultimate "who?" selection in the past decade for the Spurs (or any other team) is Mahinmi. No one knew who he was before the draft and very few knew who he was after the draft. Yet another example in the long line of "We're getting Tim Duncan frontcourt help". He made his debut for the Spurs early last year (2007/2008 season) but was sent back to the D-League affiliate Toros shortly thereafter. He was supposed to make the rotation this past season but a pre-season ankle injury ballooned into a season long ailment. He recently had surgery to repair some debris that had settled in his ankle. The Spurs are hopeful he'll be healthy by the start of training camp. However, he could become a salary casualty if they feel he won't be worth the $1 million he's due over the next few seasons. He showed signs of decentness when he played those 6 games with the Spurs in 2007. As long as he can stay healthy I think he can become the team's starting Center. Whether it's this year or not depends a lot on his health and Pop's willingness to be a good coach.

Chance we see him in a Spurs jersey again: 99%
He's good enough to be in the NBA. We'll see if the Spurs pockets are big enough for him.

2006 Draft:
59th pick - Damir Markota *traded to Milwaukee*

2007 Draft:
28th pick - Tiago Splitter
58th pick - Giorgos Printezis *traded to Toronto*

Tiago Splitter

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me.

Hey look, another big man that has yet to see a Spurs jersey. Shocking. Of all the draft picks he has the most potential to be another Luis Scola. He's seen as one of the best big men in Europe right now. And it took a colossal fuck up by the Spurs Front Office to assure he wouldn't sign with the Spurs after being drafted. Instead of making sure Splitter wanted to sign with the Spurs, they just drafted him willy nilly. Well guess what Spurs FO, Splitter wanted more money (to help a sick sister so you can't be THAT mad at him) so he signed with TAU Ceramica. As with Scola, the Spurs could only contribute $500,000 towards his buyout. Since Splitter would still be on the Rookie Pay Scale, he wouldn't be able to make enough to pay the buyout on his own. However, the Rookie Pay Scale won't be an issue in a year (for the 2009/2010 season). It looks like the Spurs will try to get things done after next season and get Splitter over here. Economic troubles in Spain have made it possible that the Team will need money very shortly. It's still doubtful Splitter can make it here before 2009/2010.

Chance we see him in a Spurs jersey: 85%
It would be 100% if the Scola situation wasn't handled so poorly. Now I have doubts Splitter comes over.

What did we learn from this? Well for one, second round picks rarely make it to the NBA. We also learned that the Spurs aren't infallible. While the front office decided to sign Oberto, trade for Jackie Butler, and keep Bonner, Scola was 3rd in Rookie of the Year voting and is currently giving the Lakers all they can handle in the Western Conference Semi-Finals. The Scola trade might go down as one of the worst front office moves in Spurs history. Let's hope they can rectify things by getting Splitter over here before Tim Duncan's knees fall off.

What Needs To Happen

2009-04-24T11:58:00.003-05:00

As B. Diddy so succinctly put it, fuck. Or maybe more accurately, shit. Because that's about the level of play we saw from the Spurs last night. It wasn't NBA or even NBDL level. It was a new level they have invented. SHIT. I would love to think up some good abbreviations for the SHIT acronym but I'm too furious about the play last night. So here's what needs to happen Saturday for the Spurs to have any chance to win:

1) Tony Parker needs to dominate the ball and drive no matter who is in the lane. It was clear last night that Tony Parker's ineffectiveness led to the overall ineffectiveness of the Spurs offense. I don't think Erica Dumpy's warning had an effect on Parker. He just wasn't hitting shots and the Mavs were doing an ok job clogging the lane. Pop needs to adjust and spread the offense out more to give Parker more chances to get into a clear lane. If that means putting Duncan out at 18-20 feet then so be it. Parker is driving the offense now.

2) Bowen needs to get more playing time. I know it seems as if he has slowed down. I think it's just that he's been getting sporadic playing time. There's no way to set yourself and play well when you don't have consistent playing time. The Puerto Rican Midget and Teardrop Head are going to run wild (again) if Parker is assigned to guard either of them. I think Finley and Udoka can possibly handle Barea. But I think the only way to keep Terry in check is to have Bowen on him like a glove. Let's pray Bowen is wearing a cup.

3) We need to find Tim Duncan. He had a great final game of the regular season. His playoffs have been far from Duncan-esque. After a good first game (27 points, 9 boards) Duncan has been Kwame Brown. 13 points and 11 boards in game 2 followed by a stunning 4 points and 2 boards last night. This is not the Tim Duncan I remember. If he's still hurting (tendonosis doesn't just go away) then he needs to tell Pop. If Pop already knows then he needed to adjust accordingly and he didn't. All that being said, if Duncan is feeling well enough to play 30+ minutes, then he needs to see more touches as well. Fuck Michael Finley, Ime Udoka, Matt Bonner, etc. They'll get their shots. If Tim Duncan is healthy he needs to be right up there with Parker in shot attempts. Make Erica Dumpy defend. Get her in foul trouble and go from there. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

4) Hope that if this series does go 7, we don't draw Joey Crawford or Eddie Rush again. I'm not blaming last night on the officials at all. From what I saw they didn't make any huge mistakes. But that just means they're ripe for a massive clusterfuck the next time they ref. You gotta play the percentages. Eddie Rush had to leave the game with an injury. I'm not wishing harm upon anyone but let's hope that keeps him out for the rest of the playoffs. He's like Bennett Salvatore only black.

Those are just a few things that need to happen if the Spurs want to go on to play the Nuggets in Round 2. Of course Ime Udoka could have a flashback, wreck some motherfuckers, and the series would be over. But let's not count on that. We can only have faith....in a Frenchman and a Wine Connoisseur.

We are fucked.

Rick Reilly Pops His 800+ Word Cherry

2009-04-15T14:06:00.004-05:00

This week finds us immersed in the life of Kobe Bryant. I still laugh when I think about Kobe because the usher at the Spurs game told a Laker fan, "but he's a rapist". So true. Since Reilly decided to do a running diary on KoMe, it turned out to be more than 800 words. Join us as we look at the train wreck that is sure to follow. Reilly's comments will be bolded, italicized, and in yellow. Enjoy.

It's 49 miles from Kobe Bryant's house in Orange County to Staples Center and yet, even in a Ferrari, it takes him 10 hours and 16 minutes.

Why, can't Ferraris fly these days? Somewhere Peter King moans.

What takes him so long? You're about to ride shotgun and find out:

I hope Kobe isn't the kind of guy that gets handsy...

7:15 a.m. Nearly $140 into a cab ride from my place,

It's a shame you couldn't share the fare with your new Podcast buddy Bill Simmons.

a security gate opens at the end of a very swank cul de sac to reveal Kobe Bryant, father of two, standing in front of seven vehicles—the Ferrari, the Range Rover, the Escalade, the Bentley Coupe, the two-door plastic Fred Flintstone car, the training-wheels bike and the tricycle smashed into a bush.

I see what you did there Rick. You sucked us in by saying there were 7 vehicles. But it turns out 4 of them are just for kids. You silly goose you.

"You ready to go?" he asks. "I hate to be late."

"I also hate it when bitches say no."

I have a bag and nowhere to put it, since the Ferrari is basically a 503-horsepower engine with two seats. So he takes two helmets out of the trunk and puts the bag in.

Not sure what you're really protecting Kobe. Oh, you think there's actually something in Rick Reilly's skull? Silly.

Helmets for a car? Uh-oh.

You deserve a Pulitzer for your passionate use of "Uh-oh". Brilliant I say, brilliant.

7:21 a.m. I immediately spill my coffee in the $300,000-plus Ferrari, but how was I supposed to know he'd demonstrate its 0 to 60 mph in 3.1-seconds right at the very moment I was about to sip my delicious venti mochachino?

Because it's a Ferrari moron. What, did you think he'd ease it out of the driveway so you could sip on your faggy drink?

Trying to wipe up the puddle with my sock without him noticing and trying to be heard over the Ferrari's throaty roar, I nearly yell my interview:

Because taking responsibility for your actions is for bloggers.

Of course, the 11-time All Star doesn't always drive to work.

Sometimes he flies on huge wings made of $100 bills.

Sometimes he has one of his off-duty, armed, Lakers-provided, police officers take him in a customized van so he can watch scouting DVDs and ice his feet and knees.

Or so he can have sex without having to drive at the same time. If Kobe has one weakness, it's multitasking.

(He ices them for 20 minutes three times a day. The man spends more time in ice than Ted Williams.)

Or Walt Disney. Cuz they're cryogenically frozen. Get it? GET IT?!?!?!

Occasionally, though, he charters a helicopter.

Basically flying in on $100 bills.

"Sometimes, there's just things you cannot miss." Like?

Court Dates?

"Like my daughter's soccer game. Because what if I miss her first goal?"

I'm sure you have someone you can pay to get shit like a... video camera.

Can't say I ever choppered into one of my daughter's soccer games, but still.

You really should try it. Traffic and $140 taxis are so 2008.

Bryant, 30, has been known to get up earlier than many barn owls to conduct his famously brutal workouts.

Erroneous. Barn Owls never sleep. Stop lying to the people Rick.

"I like to just get up and get it done," he explained to me, "then I'm back home and nobody's even up. Haven't missed a thing."

I got plenty of time to complain about my teammates in random parking lots afterward. Kobe FTW!

7:30 a.m. Bryant pulls the yellow Ferrari up to a massive OC health club and leaves it. This will happen many times today, leaving the car right in front of buildings. Gods do not park.

Gods valet. Book it. Write it down. Remember.

Today is a Sunday and it's bothering him that he'll have to miss coloring with his girls—6 and 2—watching Ariel in The Little Mermaid for the 1,003rd time...

I feel you're exaggerating Rick.

...with his girls and going to Disneyland with the girls. But he's obsessed with winning the 2009 NBA title, which means he's committed to his boys.

Unless they piss him off and miss a rotation. Then they can massage their own quads after the game. The pricks.

He wants to be as chiseled as possible for the coming playoff pounding.

Too easy.

Grover puts Bryant through a game-day workout like I've never seen. (Warning: If you don't want to feel like a complete jelly-filled donut, don't read this next part.)

I'll take my chances Rick.

Among a dozen other drills, Bryant does suicide push-ups. At the top of the pushup, he launches himself off the mat so hard that both his feet come off the ground and his hands slap his pecs. He does three sets of seven of these. This makes me turn away and whimper softly.

OH MY GOD NOT SUICIDE PUSH-UPS!!! QUIVER IN FEAR MERE MORTALS!!! Seriously Rick, quit being such a pussy/kiss-up.

People are pulling up next to us and waving. And screaming. And taking pictures with their cell phones. And honking. And craning back in their seats to see. And not watching the road. And getting too damn close.

And. And. And. Such a lazy writing tactic. I wish bloggers could get away with this without being labeled poor writers.

Kobe doesn't seem to see any of it.

Obviously he was too busy enjoying the road head you were giving him.

"Life is really good now," he's saying.

"Vanessa says I can get a puppy if I'm reeeeaaaal good this year."

Kobe! Kill 'em tonight! Yeeeeaaahhh bbbboy! [original italics]

I guess Flava Flav is a Kobe Bryant fan.

"And it's funny. A lot of these companies who dumped us during the [sexual assault] trial [in which all charges were dropped] are calling us now asking us to come back. And I just kind of smile and go, 'No. No, thanks, homie. We're good.' But that hurt, dude. To just be dropped like that. It hurt."

Yeah homie. I done played that shit out ya hear? I is being a good boy now and I has stopped raping the white chicks. For real G.

The guy in the Toyota Tundra is signaling that he wants an autograph.

Well Rick, if you could stop blowing Kobe for a second, he could take his right hand and give the man an autograph. Why are you so selfish?

" … I'm just very thankful and blessed. It was really close there for awhile." Even a weekly shopper reporter would follow that answer up with, "What do you mean?"

"But not a blogger. Bloggers are the scum of the....whoops sorry got a pubic hair caught on my tongue."

"No," he says with a grin, "but one time, this one guy was looking back and hit the guy in front of him. Not hard or anything, but he definitely hit the guy. It was kinda funny."

I enjoy the misfortune of others.

With all that chaos, I can't really vouch for the accuracy of all this, but I'm pretty sure Bryant says:

Take anything I say with a grain of salt. I'm just a reporter.

He's taken up golf. Played Pelican Hill the other day with Bobby Plump, the inspiration for the Jimmy Chitwood character in Hoosiers. Forgot to ask why.

Again, just a reporter. Sorry I suck so much at asking questions.

If I weren't in the car, he'd be listening to Lil Wayne, Jay-Z or Biggie Smalls.

White people can't handle rap music. Especially Rick Reilly. Rick thinks The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff were "as edgy as the second premolar!" That's edgy, right?

He and his wife, Vanessa, have no nannies.

Smart move Vanessa.

His daughters speak a mix of English, Spanish and Italian.

It would be nice if she spoke one of them fluently no? Or is Kobe creating a race of superhumans that can speak several languages all at once? Are we doomed?

Forty minutes, 37 missed quotes, and 118 gawkers later,

Excellent reporting. He got the numbers correct but darnit if he can't remember anything Kobe has said.

He pulls up to the spot in front of the door, gets out of the car and doesn't lock it. It's all I can do not to get on my knees and kiss the ground.

Only a God could not lock his car. I am not worthy.

"What if you can't sleep at the hotel?" I ask as he leadfoots it up the 110 North. "What do you do? Walk around downtown L.A.?"

He laughs and looks at me like I just landed from the planet Nimrod.

You aren't?

"Uh, no. I can't walk around LA. There are fans and then there are LAKER fans. LAKER fans are, like, 10 times more into it than regular fans."

Example: One time, he met a man who had the exact same tattoos as him. Literally, the exact same tattoos, down to the size, color, font, style, even the names of his daughters, his wife, the Bible verses, the crown, everything.

Did this man also visit Colorado?

What does he pay for use of the suite for a full season? Zippo!

I can't believe a superstar athlete gets things compted!

Does the man ever see the inside of his wallet?

Because I'd like to live in it. I'd bring my tooth collection.

How bad do you want this title?

So bad I can taste it. It has a faint taste of urine. Not sure why.

"Beyond your comprehension," he says.

Cuz Kobe is an effing genius. He thinks up shit is his sleep that we can't even fathom.

Can this team do it?

No Rick. I'll say no because what other answer could there possibly be? I mean really. Not only do they have the best record in the West, but you're also asking someone who is ON THE FUCKING TEAM. Pulitzer!

"Yeah, we can do it. We're better equipped this time. Last time (in the finals) we ran into a buzzsaw. That Celtics team was hungry. And not just hungry, but full of hungry veterans."

They hadn't been fed because everyone was afraid Sam Cassell would tear into everything while it was still raw.

As a couple in a red Hyundai shrieks, "Kobe! Kobe! Take care of us tonight!" he turns into the players' gate, where a guy with a mirror on a pole checks under the Ferrari for bombs. I'm terrified what they'll find.

Could be a Rick Reilly Assassination attempt. Quick! To the Bat Cave!

Excuse me, Mr. Bryant? There seems to be mochachino leaking from your car?

Drat! Caught red handed. And he would've gotten away with if it weren't for those pesky security guards.

He pulls it right up front, hops out, and immediately there's a still photographer and a mini-cam taking our picture as we walk. I try to get away, but he yanks me back into the shot. "Just mean mug it," he whispers.

*goes to search for this picture of Rick Reilly*

He wears the expression of a mafia don on the way to a trial.

He has some experience with these faces.

I try it, but I can't pull it off. I look like a man suffering upper gastro-intestinal blockage.

Damn thought that was gonna be our first dental simile. Oh well I can settle for a poop simile.

It's 5:31 p.m. The Kobe Kommute is over...

That's not how it's spelled.

He's still got the game to go. (The Lakers will defeat the Clippers, 88-85, with Bryant scoring 18 points on 5-for-15 shooting—proving that, occasionally, Kobe DOES miss things.)

Like his sexual freedom?

As for me, I'm so exhausted, there's only one thing I want to do.

Get another venti mochachino? Maybe your weekly teeth cleaning?

Go somewhere quiet and watch Ariel.

A grown man watching The Little Mermaid by himself. Sure, that's not creepy at all.

Two Down, One To Go

2009-04-14T06:30:00.002-05:00

The Spurs have done their part. But so have the Blazers. If Houston and San Antonio both win their final games, they'll have the same record.

The first tiebreaker will be head-to-head. They have each beat each other twice, splitting home and away (each had 1 win in the other city).

So the next tiebreaker is division record. And shocker, if they both win their final games, they'll have the same record against division opponents.

The third tiebreaker and in-conference record. Guess what. Yep, they'll have the same in-conference record.

The 4th tiebreaker is record against playoff eligible teams in-conference. Unfortunately (actually fortunately if you read my Playoff Musings post) the Spurs are 11-13 in this situation. The Rockettes are 14-12. So that would be the final tiebreaker and Houston would have it. Basically this means Houston is assured the 3rd seed or better (GOOD) if they win Wednesday.

The situation with Portland is much simpler. If they win, they get the 4th seed because of head-to-head (3-1 regular season). If they lose and the Spurs win they get the 5th seed. Unfortunately (now for real) for us, their last game is against Denver who has already locked up their Division. The only way Denver won't get the 2 seed is if they lose and Houston wins. Houston has beat Denver twice this year and they have only played 3 times so Houston owns the head-to-head tiebreaker. We can only hope this motivates Karl to try and beat Portland.

To put it simply, we want the Rockets, Spurs, and Nuggets to win their final games. That will give us playoff seeding (1-5) that looks like this:

1. Lakers
2. Nuggets
3. Rockets
4. Spurs
5. Trail Blazers

If The Spurs, Rockets, and Blazers all win the seeding will look like this:

1. Lakers
2. Rockets
3. Nuggets
4. Trail Blazers
5. Spurs

In other words a whole lotta suck.

LeBron is Really Really Really Really Really Really Humble

2009-04-12T07:12:00.008-05:00

LeBron James is pretty good. He can't post anyone up who is taller than 6'3 but let's be honest, who can?everyone The Cavs have made their own little website to promote LeBron for MVP 2009. The URL is http://www.lebronisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood.com. Catchy, ain't it? They even have a song by the Ohio Players (get it?) playing when you open the site. It's a real money maker for LeBron and the Cavs. It shows all his stats and accolades and urges you to consider voting for him for MV...wait. Fans don't get to vote. Awwww, shucks. I guess this site is nothing more than a marketing ploy to get you to talk about LeBron, write to your congressman about LeBron, buy LeBron merchandise, and masturbate to pictures of LeBron pretending to take pictures. It's no secret I dislike Kobe. I dislike Kobe a lot. But this shit with LeBron is getting tired. He's an amazing player. But jesus fucking christ have some humility. Am I blowing things out of proportion? After all it was the Cavs, not LeBron, who set up the web site. Oh lookie here!

Notice this isn't even in the locker room

Yes that says, "Chosen 1". At least Kobe's tattoos are only a thinly veiled apology for raping some white chick. Oh and the pretend photoshoot before EVERY GAME. We get it, you're an easy going guy who likes to have fun. But ya know, you might wanna think about what other people see and think when you start pulling shit like that. It was funny the first time or two. Now it's not. Now it's just annoying. Come up with something new (hahaha that would indicate intelligence) or shut it the fuck down.

So in the end I hope Dwyane Wade gets the MVP. Giving people Herpes is pretty fucked up but that's his personal life. He won't win though. It'll be LeBron and it will most likely be the Cavs vs. Lakers finals the NBA wants. It's lose-lose for us Spurs fans. Either KoMe and The Colonel win or LeBron wins and he just gets more "humble". Shoot me now.

Playoff Musings

2009-04-11T11:01:00.006-05:00

For a brief time last night the Spurs were back in place as the 3rd seed in the Western Conference. The win over the Jazz put them into a tie with the Rockets and the Spurs own the tiebreaker at this time. Later on last night the Rockets beat the team from Golden State (I refuse to call them by their name) so the whole 3rd seed thing went *POOF*. But I'm gonna tell you why that might not be a bad thing.

Right now the Spurs are the 5th seed in the West. If there are no other changes in seeding the playoffs would look like this:

1 Lakers vs. 8 Jazz

Everyone thinks this matchup would be tougher on the Lakers than other matchups. I call bullshit. The Jazz are terrible on the road and the Spurs didn't seem to have trouble with them (basically the same team) in Utah back in 2007. I'd say Lakers in 4 or 5.

2 Nuggies vs. 7 Mavericks

This is actually pretty interesting. The Nuggets are legendary playoff no-shows. But so is _allas. Carlisle is a good coach but his PG can't score reliably and his C belongs in the WNBA. I'd say this series goes 6 games with the Nuggies coming out on top.

3 Rockettes vs. 6 Hornets

I really like this matchup. The Hornets have been fairly shitty compared to last year. The Rockettes are playing well but their coach hasn't done anything significant in 20 years. If Chandler is healthy and Peja gets his new bio-engineered back installed, I could actually see the Hornets winning this series. I still think it goes 6 or 7 games.

4 Greg Odens vs. 5 Your San Antonio Spurs

The Blazers have had their way with the Spurs recently. That's no reason to think the Blazers young lineup can handle the pressure of the playoffs. I think the Spurs will have trouble but in the end I don't think the HCA will have that great of an effect on the series. I optimistically say the Spurs would take the series in 6.

That would leave us with these Semi (boner joke!) matchups:

1 Lakers vs. 5 Your San Antonio Spurs
2 Nuggies vs. 3 Rockettes/6 Hornets

But but but, how can the Spurs playing the Lakers in the Semis be any better than playing them in such a huge WCF? If you settle down and take your dick out of your ass I can explain it.

Remember last year when the Spurs had to go through a 7 game series with Chris Paul and his nut punching posse? Right, we all remember. The blowouts, the close games, and Chris Paul doing a great job selling fouls. I think you can see where I'm going with this. By the time the Spurs got to LA to play the Fake Show, they were exhausted and injured. It can happen any year. Your team has a tough first round (if you live in Dallas) or second round and then crap out in the Semis or Finals (if you live in Dallas). That's why I think the only shot the Spurs have at beating the Lakers is if they meet them in the second round as opposed to the WCF. Duncan won't be icing down his knees after every game in the second round (hopefully) and all of our geriatric players will still be somewhat fresh. That's why NOT getting the 3 seed would actually be beneficial to this group. Obviously the 4 seed would be better than the 5*, but I don't think the Odens can pull of a playoff victory yet.

* - Both Portland and SA have 3 games left with 2 being against shitty teams each. Portland plays Denver last and SA plays NOLA last. Those last 2 games could decide the 4/5 seeding.

I Weep

2009-04-10T21:29:00.003-05:00

This is a picture of Manu's hurt ankle (fibula). He posted this on his facebook page along with the following statement:

"Here she is my companion by the next days. Uncomfortable and heaviest, but it is what there is… Only 6 or 8 hours just."

Thanks Babelfish! I guess we can take this to mean the boot is heavy and he has to wear it 6-8 hours a day. However, Manu will need to nurse the injury for 6 months or more. It will depend on how quickly his bones heal. I know, Captain Obvious. But there seem to be a wide range of recovery times for injuries such as his (stress reaction/fracture). So Manu, stay off the ankle and I'll personally send you some of these. They're for women? I guess that would explain why I love The Devil Wears Prada so much.

The One Where We Laugh at Danny Ferry

2009-04-08T08:03:00.004-05:00

"So that's when I tells him, 'you gotta get the horse close to the ball first'. It was a laugh riot."

I'm not sure what's the saddest part about this. The fact that Danny Ferry is wearing...that...or the fact that they printed and distributed this card. How do I know for sure it was distributed you ask. Oh, well I have one. HEY-O! If anyone is interested in buying said abortion, I shall open the bidding at $15. Too high? Yeah, I am.

I Don't Wanna Talk About It

2009-04-05T20:55:00.003-05:00

Here. These should make us feel better.

Rick Reilly and His 800 Words

2009-04-05T00:41:00.005-05:00

Our friends (unbeknown to them) over at Kissing Suzy Kolber have a hilarious, yet informative running series based on Peter King. Big Daddy Drew reads Peter King's latest column, copies and pastes it, and gives us funny little responses to Peter's more outrageous statements (COFFEE FLAVORED WATER!!!!). It's something I look forward to. But someone who might deserve a similar treatment is Rick Reilly. I'm not sure if any of you have ever read one of Reilly's columns but it's like reading...shit. Pure shit. So let's get started with his latest about Hasheem Thabeet. Rick's comments will be bolded, italicized, and in red though hopefully you'll be able to tell from the crap-level of the writing.

The beauty in The Beast is the problem.

Uh oh I feel a philosophical article coming. Quick, turn on your brains before it's too late!

He kids. He dances. He hugs. And this is in the first half.

Because it's impossible to do these things normally when you play basketball. Thabeet must be some sort of super man.

He laughs. He tells jokes. He does his Dick Vitale impression. During warmups.

I guess Mr. Multi-tasker can't do everything while his teammates are working hard to win a basketball game. He needs the warmup period too. And what is a Dick Vitale impression? Head exploding while getting every prediction wrong?

He is the least of beasts, actually.

He's no Bruce Kuczenski.

But UConn's 7'3'' junior center Hasheem (The Beast) Thabeet can't help it. He is terminally cheerful. He knows what NBA scouts have said about him: Not nearly mean and nasty enough … most (NBA) guys will go right through him. Which is undeniably true.

Ouch. Rick Reilly just said you were too weak to make it in the NBA. This is the same man who loves using dental similes in his columns. I guess Thabeet is just like a deciduous tooth that needs pullin'. He's weak but strong enough to be a top 5 college basketball player.

You can see for yourself this Final Four, as 'Sheem the Beam and the Huskies roll into Detroit. He gets the rebound and tiny people slap his wrists until he lets it go.

Normally that's called a "foul" Rick.

Runts push him off the blocks like cops with nightsticks. His dunk would hardly dent a marshmallow.

MARSHMALLOWS ARE BAD FOR YOUR TEETH!

"I do not know how to control this," grins Thabeet (thaa-BEET). "Maybe I'll be mean enough someday."

According to the internet it's actually ha-SHEEM tuh-BEET. Thanks Rick.

Unlikely.

What a dick. Is the point of this article to emotionally cripple this young man?

Example: You ask The Beast if you can speak to his mom.

Apparently so.

He gives you his own cell number and says, "I will translate!" So, later, you call it, sure you've got a fake, and his voicemail answers.

Rick Reilly has done this so many times he is now expecting athletes to give him fake numbers. Now all he needs is a denim vest.

So you leave a message like you've left a thousand others with athletes, knowing you will not get a call back. Except in less than an hour he's calling you back. "I wanted to be sure to return your call right away!" he says.

Imagine that! An athlete who is down to earth and genuinely a nice person. Let's see Rick's next move to destroy this young man's faith in journalists...

Dude. I'm going to need to see some ID.

Totally tubular dude. Let's go catch some waves before Keanu comes and shoots his gun in the air man.

On most any day at UConn, Ucan see The Beast in the Student Union quad, eating lunch, surrounded by 12 to 15 students, all of them giggling.

I see what you did there Rick. Clever.

He absorbs everything, a kind of SpongeBob Tall Pants.

This man is being paid millions of dollars to write for ESPN. Maybe we could write our respective congressman and try to get some sort of bill passed that outlaws retards like this from making so much money.

In Tanzania, he was a model, a TV crewmember, and a security guard at concerts. And that was before his 15th birthday.

He is Super Man!

"They thought I was much older," he laughs. "People would let me do anything!"

If only this interview had been done in Tanzania, they would have let you kill and dismember Rick Reilly.

Really? You? A bouncer? "Oh, no, I was terrible. The fights would start and I would run away!" You begin to see the problem.

Yeah I'm seein' the problem.

One day, his father lent him his best atlas to take to fifth grade show and tell.

Rick's father let him take his pristine collection of teeth pulled from famous people. Rick accidentally swallowed Ed Wood's molar and hasn't been the same since.

He promptly lost it. Hasheem feared his father's whipping stick so much that he was too scared to come home. His mother found him that night on the streets, crying.

Let's humiliate him some more!

"He's a very sensitive kid," says UConn trainer James Doran. "When he first got here, any little thing would send him into a panic. He's much better now."

And some more...

Although, in UConn's Elite Eight win over Missouri last weekend, Thabeet hurt his ring finger going after a loose ball. The way he flailed around, you'd have thought he lost an eyeball.

We can be thankful he didn't act like he had lost a tooth. Rick would've jumped into action.

"Well, if you let him," says Doran. "He'll roll clear to the other bucket."

Quicker than dragging his ass all the way down court I suppose.

So you can imagine how Thabeet took it after his Oxford-educated architect father died of diabetes complications when 'Sheem was just 14. The boy was so distraught he quit school. He began taking odd jobs, believing he needed to provide for his mother and two siblings.

Let's call him a pussy for half the article then bring up his dead father. Sounds like a plan.

"I was so worried about him," says his dressmaker mother, Rukia. "I only wanted him to go back to school." He finally did. A year later, a coach in 'Sheem's hometown of Dar es Salaam talked him into trying hoops. But the guys playing it were all so … so … mean!

Rick is so in he can call him 'Sheem without fear of reprisal. Oh wait Thabeet is a huge pussy. I forgot.

"I was scared. So I lied. I told him I didn't have any gears [sic]. But then he gave me gears [sic]. So I had no choice but to play."

See.

Seven years later, the hoops world is about to discover his best gears -- sending shots back to their makers.

He shoots he scores!

Mean or not, he and his Boeing wingspan are second in the nation in blocks this season. At one point this year, he swatted away a three and the opposing coach looked up at him and said, "Thabeet, can't you just let one go?"

He's such a weak and submissive guy but hot damn look at his wing span and how he can block shots in college! That's gotta translate to the NBA because most guys in the NBA are 5'8 and white.

When UConn bested Missouri Saturday and the last-second rebound fell into Thabeet's arms, he celebrated like he'd just taken the Bastille.

At least it wasn't a dental related simile. Still, I didn't know Tanzania = France.

He skipped, pogo-ed, and screamed. He ran 30 rows up into the stands and held his mom. "Thank you for raising me," he gushed, and they both cried. He waved the Tanzanian flag. He grabbed the trophy and struck a Heisman pose.

So now he's a pussy and he prances like a homosexual. I'm bettin' he's gonna love this article.

If UConn wins it all, it would be the first hoops team greeted in the White House by Barack Obama, the first president with African roots. That makes The Beast's eyes a little misty. "I only wish my father could be here to share this with me," he says, still hugging the ball.

SPOILER: They don't win it all.

So many players in this Final Four, in this draft, in this game, live their lives for a nearly unreachable thing: starring in the NBA.

I wish more would go into journalism so they could put you out of work.

Most of them won't star; most won't even get there. It can be crushing. But Thabeet is one kid I don't worry about.

Unless he's under the basket getting his wrist slapped by runts.

His light you can't put out.

Unless you push him around.

He is more resilient than a Slinky.

Send complaints here.

And it's nice to know that whatever happens, Thabeet goes on.

Yeah but he's a pussy and he skips and carries on like a gaylord. At least according to this article.

Dammit Orlando...

2009-04-04T10:13:00.003-05:00

Just when we thought everything was good going into the Sunday game with the Cavs, the Magic had to go and blow it. Dwight Howard and his team of 3 point huxters demolished the LeBrons by 29 points. Normally that would be a great thing as it would show how not unbeatable the LeBrons are. But this is going into another big game with our heroes and that game is in Cleveland. LAME! Why couldn't Orlando have just laid down and died when Nelson went out? We all know that's when their title hopes died. But no, they gotta go and embarrass LeBron and his teammates. Fucking Assholes.

So now the Spurs will have to deal a pissed off LeBron and possibly a cranky troll. The main thing I'm wondering is who is going to guard LeBron on Sunday. Last game Michael Finley got the bulk of the time on him and I think we all know how that went. Malik Hairston is in Austin. Bruce Bowen seems to have broken a hip or something because he is out of the rotation. That basically leaves Money Mason and Finley. Hooray. I'm not sure either guy can effectively guard LeBron but I guess if I had to choose (like choosing between and enema and lighting your hair on fire) I would choose Mason. He's bigger and faster and doesn't use a lot of energy on offense. Knowing this however, means Pop will put Finley on Lebron again. Lookin forward to it jackass!

Drew Gooden Made Me Cream My Pants

2009-04-03T20:50:00.002-05:00

I didn't actually get to see tonight's game between the Spurs and the Pacers but this box score tells me all I need to know.

1. Tony Parker can score with the best of them...as long as he's being guarded by someone shitty.

2. Manu Ginobili and Pop have no hesitation throwing him into full swing. He played 36 minutes tonight which was the most by any Spur. Manu did pretty well (16 points on 4-9 shooting with 7 boards and 7 assists) considering he has only been back for a few days.

3. The Pacers kinda suck. This is known because Jacque Vaughn broke the rotation and played 8 minutes.

4. OM-FUCKIN-G Drew Gooden scored 17 points in 13 minutes!!! Rebounds? Not so much; only 3 and 0 of those were offensive. But damn I think this shows what he can do when he's given...who was guarding him? Roy Hibbert? This guy? Oh no it's this guy. Still 17 points in 13 minutes is impressive no matter who is guarding you. I'm eager to see what Drew can do in the playoffs. Someone who can make Garbage Man the Original guard him would be helpful when Tim sits.

Next game is a HUGE one against Cleveland in Cleveland on Sunday. The only team that has beaten the Cavs in Cleveland is the Fake Show. We can only pray the Spurs come out with some kind of desire to show the league they aren't dead yet. This is the first time all season everyone is healthy (Oberto? Surely you're joking) so it should be a decent indicator of where the Spurs are right now in their preparation and development.

Sorry - Re: Hiatus 2 /;')- Other Punctuation Marks

2009-04-03T19:32:00.007-05:00

We've been absent again for a little while. It's not that there isn't Spurs news or juicy NBA news (Who knew Allen Iverson was a selfish prick?), but I recently got a new job and I know B.Diddy has been busy as well. Bob is MIA and we're only hoping for the best. Hopefully we'll be able to get things up and running again for all of our reader(s). I know you love it here. All the foul language and insensitivity. It makes you ooze with glee. But for now here's a funny picture of what my life amounted to up until a week ago when I was unemployed and living with my parents*.

* - Still Living With Parents

I Hate the Lakers

2009-03-13T21:11:00.005-05:00

I was at the game last night. Fellow blog-entrepreneur Bob and I had seats in section 207. Apparently that was the Lakers section. We were literally surrounded by Lakers fans save for a couple old women sitting behind us. It was awful. The game started off terribly. Spurs went down big quick. So the crowd wasn't exactly into it. We were trying to cheer as much as we could but there was little to cheer about.

One idiot Laker fan in particular, we'll call him Assface, was very annoying. Every time a foul was committed, regardless of the total team fouls or where on the floor the foul was committed, Assface would scream out, "FREE THROWS!!!" I guess Laker fans don't know the rules of basketball. I was shocked. Assface would also yell out "STAY ON HIM" whenever Parker had the ball. Maybe he thought Fisher could hear him. The worst one of the night was when Assface screamed, "POKE HIS EYE OUT!" What? Really Assface? Alright, if you're gonna continue to say stupid shit you shall be mocked. So from then on ever time a foul was committed...scratch that, any time there was a stoppage of play I would scream, "FREE THROWS!!!!" I would intermittantly shout out "STAY ON HIM!" or "POKE HIS EYE OUT" as well. I think he got the message because he stopped being a blatant idiot.

As for the game itself, obviously Bob and I were disappointed. However, we both agreed we aren't worried (so long as Manu is healthy for the playoffs). Why? If you were paying attention near the end, right after Parker hit that 3 to cut the difference to 2 points, Mason got called for a foul on a screen set for Kobe. There was a stoppage (FREE THROWS!!!) and then Pop did something that Bob and I couldn't understand. He took Mason off Kobe and out of the game. And instead of putting a guy like Bowen on him (also note Malik was not in uniform), he put George Hill on him. I knew it was over when Pop did that. Kobe hit a three and the game was pretty much lost (Kobe hit another shot over Hill later on). It was obvious Pop was experimenting with defensive assignments. This wouldn't happen in the playoffs. I'm confident with Manu healthy, this team can beat any team in the league. They came back from a huge deficit and almost pulled out a win. Almost.

Highlights of the night:

An usher telling a Laker fan holding out his Kobe jersey, "Yeah but he's a rapist."

Laker fan getting pissed off when I started chanting "BOSTON CELTICS!" after the game.

Some guy was wearing a Rodman jersey.

There was an ad/video montage for a fitness center where the jumbotron panned to different fat people eating. One guy was going to town on a slice of pizza or somethin, had no idea he was on the jumbotron.

Because He's a Douchebag

2009-03-05T08:00:00.002-06:00

Last night didn't go so well. I'm not gonna dive deeply into what happened. Let's just say I don't understand why Pop thinks Michael Finley is Bruce Bowen.

So today I'm gonna post some funny pictures! Of who? Well that's the best part.

Here we see Mark Cuban, Mavericks owner and all around fucktard, participating in his two favorite activities; choking and deepthroating penis shaped objects.

MARK!!! Watch out! There's a monkey smashing you with a rock! He looks so shocked something would want to harm him. Usually egomaniacs exhibit those thoughts.

Ooooooohhhh. Marky loves that poop. Especially when it's warm and covering his oversized head and inflated sense of importance.

Not only does Mark like feces pouring over his head, but he also loves drinking dog piss. Don't believe me? Would someone who doesn't like drinking piss ridicule a team that has 4 championships while his team has 0? That's what I thought. Next time think Dingus.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout.

Ah the best one. A picture of the Mavericks' Trophy Case. It will always be empty so long as Mark Cuban is their owner. And that just seems like justice. How does our muddy river taste you shitstick?

Players Whose Age Matches Their Jersey #

2009-03-04T22:37:00.003-06:00

You might be wondering what jersey numbers really convey about a player. If you're LeBron James, your jersey number is your futile attempt to be like Michael Jordan. If you're someone like Stephon Marbury, your number is basically just the next step toward being traded. The number doesn't matter, especially if you have it tattooed on your head. But let's go through some players whose numbers represent their perceived age shall we? Yes, we shall.

First we'll start with Chris Paul. A talent like few others. But man, he is one of the biggest babies in the league. His number 3 is usually preceded by his initials, CP. I just like to call him The Guy Who Has Punched Two DIFFERENT Players in the Nuts. It's a bit longer but more apt. Next time you see your cute little 3 year old nephew/brother/son/choir boy, ask him what his favorite thing to do is. I'll betcha he'll say, "hitting peepull in der no-no spot!" Guaran-fucking-tee it.

Moving on, we find Vince Carter as our next spotlight on stat padding...wait what was this about again? Oh right, his jersey number of 15 being the age he acts. And you can't really deny it. How many 16 year old kids decided to go to their college graduation the day of a playoff game? None because 16 year old kids don't graduate from college. Stupid. Oh there's also that little incident where he claimed he was injured (lies...ALL LIES!) but was well enough to go to a Nelly concert. For those of you who are nerds, going to a concert usually entails standing for a long period of time. He also blew off his team while they were on the road. Presumably because it was too hot in thurrr.

Fast forward to the future! Agent Zero is his name and making money while doing nothing is his game. This guy is so far ahead of everyone he isn't really in our plane of existence. Therefore his number 0 makes sense. He has no age because time does not effect him nor is he constrained by it. It's like on that show LOST. Gilbert Arenas is like Richard Alpert. He doesn't age nor does he care what other people do, say, or think. How do I know this? Because he has his own blog (like me!) and I couldn't give a shit what people do, say, or think. Just don't sneeze on him, he might break something.

From the ageless to the aged. And this isn't good aged like in cheese or prostitutes. I'm gonna throw in a hometown guy just so you Spurs fans have something to read without bitching about this being a Spurs blog with non-Spurs related posts. I know you're out there. Our good friend Kurt Thomas is 36 years old (in real life). But you gotta think those bones are at 40 (his jersey number). His eyes on the other hand were created in hell. They are pure evil and have no age. So while most of his body is closing in on 40, his eyes will forever burn holes into people's souls. Beware.

The last guy I'll talk about is Old Man River. You might know him as Greg Oden. His jersey tells us he's already older than Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, and Charles Barkley. His number is 52 and even that might be a conservative estimate. This guy has more wrinkles than a Sharpei's ass. Or Teri Hatcher's face, either one. Add to that he's been injured for basically his entire career. His one year at Ohio State? Well he had to have surgery on a ligament in his wrist. His first season in the NBA? Microfracture surgery, sorry. And now the first season where he has actually played, he's been hampered by ankle and knee injuries. This guy has to be older than Andy Rooney. Let's just hope he's not as grumpy. It's not that far fetched to believe Ohio State let his real age slide. I mean, they let Maurice Clarett play football for them.

I'm sure there are others, and there will be more in the future, but it's really eye-opening to see that jersey numbers sometimes do mean things. Like Kobe switching from #8 to #24 after he raped (allegedly) that white girl. He was immature (8) but now he's all grown up (24). Like other 24 year olds, now he'll just accidentally impregnate someone and pay them off. Then again date rape is all the rage these days with 24 year olds. Who knows. God, that's who.

Simmons Has a Point or Two

2009-03-01T10:41:00.003-06:00

Bill Simmons is known for his humor and long ass articles. But occasionally, he writes something truly great. His latest column (not for "the Mag") is about the financial crisis the NBA is currently in and the troubles ahead. I think all Spurs fans remember the 1998 season and the lockout that accompanied it. Simmons has some bold predictions about the CBA (Collective Bargaining Agreement) that will need to be re-worked in 2011. I highly recommend his article for any true basketball fans.

Here's the link and some notable quotes:

The league would love for you to believe that attendance hasn't been affected, but the NBA's official tally counts only total "customers," counted as paid tickets, comps (seats given to celebrities, sponsors, friends of the team or whomever, a number that can be fudged any way you want), discounted tickets and no-shows.

That conniving has-been nailed it when he called the NBA's current system "broken." The revenue-sharing system dictates specific thresholds for the cap and tax, which is fine as long as revenue doesn't drop dramatically with teams already tied into unsavory player contracts through 2010, 2011 or, in Philly's case with Brand, 2075 (or maybe it just feels that way to Sixers fans).

Looking at the next 15 months only, the consensus of people in the know was that multiple NBA franchises (guesses ranged from three to eight) will move cities, get sold to new owners or throw themselves on the mercy of the league (meaning the NBA would effectively take over operations of that franchise, kinda like what happens in the MLS or WNBA).

Cleveland News Orgy

2009-03-01T09:36:00.002-06:00

Not only do we have to think about that loss to the Lebrons on Friday, but now word is coming that Cleveland is ready to sign a "surprise" Free Agent. However, being that today is March 1st and it's also the deadline for a player to be waived and still be eligible for the Playoffs, we'll know who this "surprise" Free Agent is very soon. That is unless Danny Ferry is completely full of shit...which is my guess. I'm thinking this Free Agent is either Joe Smith or Drew Gooden. SURPRISE! Then again this anonymous Free Agent could be this guy. The guy on the left silly. He recently told reporters he's in the market for a come back. Problem is no one wants him.

So let's get to the game on Friday night. I guess I was right to worry. The offense without Tim AND Manu just isn't good enough to keep up with great teams. Dallas and Portland aren't great teams. Hell, even the Cavs had trouble with our scraps. It wasn't until LeBron realized Michael Finley was guarding him (more on this in a second) that the game started to creep, and then run away. And hell, our scrubs are better than theirs. George "Long Arm of the Law" Hill, Malik Hairston, and POPS all played well with their extended 4th quarter minutes.

So now I come to the main point. Pop (not POPS) is either a stubborn bastard or a genius. Finley on LeBron? Really? You think an aging, 6'4 shooting guard can handle a young, 6'8, tank of a human being? Seriously? LeBron looked almost shocked that this guy was guarding him. He took advantage of Finley's spacing to hit at least 4 wide open jump shots in the first half alone.

Then came the defining moment of the game. James went in for a layup and thought he got fouled. The Spurs pushed the ball but came up empty on the other end. LeBron, always the defensive minded player, didn't even leave his end of the floor. So he was fairly open for three. No one closed out and he sank it. Knowing he could hit a three, he shot 2 more in a row. Who was defending him you ask. Michael Finley. Did Finley try to push him inside instead of letting him have open threes? Of course not. That would mean Michael Finley is a capable defender. And we all know that he's not.

What really got me was how Malik Hairston defended LeBron. Hairston might be 6'6 but he's probably closer to 6'4 1/2. Even so, he did amazingly well on LeBron for the brief time he was assigned to him. He even had a nice little block on LeBron in the lane. But obviously, Michael Finley is better. Because not too long after Hairston made that good defensive play, he was taken out. Makes sense.

All in all there was little chance the Spurs were gonna win the game. But Pop's (not POPS) decisions left me puzzled. Maybe he's saving some strategy for the Finals if it comes to that. I don't know. All I know is if I see Michael Finley guarding Kobe Bryant on March 12th, I'm gonna throw something.

UPDATE ON DUNCAN

2009-02-27T19:50:00.003-06:00

Duncan is going to miss his third consecutive game tonight, according to Jeff McDonald of the Express News.

jfbjksbfjsbdf*@#$&@#%^Q!#$!#FRfnkdfnknq23r

Ok now I feel better.

Celtics Sign Marbury, KG Punches Man in Face

2009-02-27T16:43:00.004-06:00

From ESPN:

The Boston Celtics signed Stephon Marbury on Friday after the guard cleared waivers, and the club hoped to have the New York Knicks castoff in uniform for Friday night's game against the Indiana Pacers.

"We are very excited to have a player of Stephon's caliber joining our team," Celtics general manager Danny Ainge said in a statement. "Our entire organization is confident in the belief that Stephon can play an important role in helping us to win another championship."

Marbury, a former All-Star guard who alienated Knicks management, teammates and fans, was signed after having his physical at the Celtics' suburban practice facility early Friday.

He agreed to a buyout of his $20.8 million contract and was waived by New York on Tuesday. The Celtics were expected to sign him for a prorated share of the veteran's $1.3 million minimum.

Marbury, who turned 32 last week, hasn't played a regular-season game in more than a year. He will wear No. 8, formerly worn by Celtics star Antoine Walker.[my bold]

I don't see what could possibly go wrong with him wearing the number of Shimmy Legend Antoine Walker. Especially if he plays like shit. I see everything working out fine.

Oh and the headline about KG punching someone in the face? There's no hard evidence of it but you know some pasty faced ball boy got a face full of fist from "ANYTHING IS POSSSSSSSSSSSIBBBBBBBBBBBBLE" Garnett.

Cavs @ Spurs Game Preview: I Smell Trouble...

2009-02-27T13:11:00.008-06:00

...and it isn't just the stench of Wally Szczerbiak's vagina.

"Please oh please can I have a Barbi Mansion with the hot pink corvette?"

The much ballyhooed (a made up word if I've ever seen one) match-up tonight against the Cavs is looking more and more worrisome. Tim Duncan is going to be a game-time decision.

But that's not even the most worrisome part. What worries me is that the Rockettes (sans Googlie Eye) absolutely destroyed the Cavs last night. The Cavs have lost 2 games in a row once all season. Now I know what you're sayin, "But, they're on a road back-to-back." Thanks. Doesn't change the fact that Manu is out and Tim might be as well. Tony Parker can't contain LeBron's murderous rage by himself. And you know LeBron is gonna be pissed. I mean, how do you let Ron Artest outshine you? That's like Julia Roberts being outshined by her semi-retarded brother Eric.

The keys to the game will depend a lot on Tims' status. Ben Wallace broke his right leg last night when Yao sneezed on him. If Tim plays, I would imagine the game would run through him. It's hard to say what kind of shape Tony will be in. He has been lights out but there's no telling how we'll shoot against a defensive oriented team. So if Tim plays, I'd see him getting more shots than Tony. It helps that Big Z isn't a great defender.

One thing that we can be sure of is we'll see some level of double team on LeBron. The Spurs just don't have someone big, strong, and fast enough to guard him one-on-one (MALIK HAIRSTON!!!). Money Mason Jr. and Bruce will more than likely split time guarding him. If Pop is feeling real adventurous he'll put Malik on him for a couple minutes. Don't count on that.

With the double likly coming, the Cavs two best shooters, aforementioned Wally Pussy Queen and Delonte West, are going to be shooting a bunch. The closeouts will need to be perfect because of their accuracy and Delonte's quick release.

A problem could arise from using Bruce to guard LeBron. It's no secret Tony couldn't guard a mouse in a wheelchair. Mo Williams is a decent shooter and a very good facilitator. If Tony can't keep a handle on Mo, he'll likely be switched off to Delonte. But Finley can't guard Mo either. So we might see some Parker/Hill combo out there tonight. That lineup has seemed to work in the past when it was used but Hill is still a rookie. Impossible to say how he'd perform against a team he's never faced before.

I'm not feeling too confident about tonight. Cleveland is gonna come out really pissed off they lost so profoundly last night. I'm still hopeful, but I have a feeling I'll be screaming "PASS THE FUCKING BALL YOU FRENCH PIECE OF...." well you get the idea.

All The Things We Missed

2009-02-26T16:34:00.002-06:00

While we were sleeping...

The Trade Deadline Passed. No one noticed. Not a whole lot happened other than Orlando getting a PG who likes to shoot and dribble funny and Chicago remembering they hired Vinny Del Negro as their head coach. The Bulls made 4 trades before the deadline passed. But it has nothing to do with the players not respecting their coach...nothing at all.

Manu Ginobili's ankles should buy all of us dinner. It was discovered Manu has a stress "reaction" in the distal right fibula. He's gonna be out for another 2 weeks (at least) and he might not make it back in time for the game against the Lakers on March 12th. This injury is taken on a case by case basis so it's really unclear how long he'll be out. Pray.

Tim Duncan is also hurt! Joy! He has missed the past two games with right quad tendonosis (whatever the hell that is). Luckily for the Spurs, the Mavericks suck and Parker dominated both against them and the Greg Odenless (shocker!) Trail Blazers.

We signed a guy named Pops. No, really, that's his name. Pops Mensah Bonsu is a 6'9"-6'10" forward who had been dominating the D-League. We all know that means he'll dominate the NBA so be ready to hear MVP chants coming from the upper deck when he's playing later on this season.

Site News: Back From Hiatus

2009-02-26T16:30:00.005-06:00

So maybe technically a hiatus is a planned event but I was having trouble keeping up with everything NBA related. We'll hopefully have some more people posting and I'm gonna try to keep up as best I can. Stay tuned for a Game Preview for the Cavs game tomorrow night.

Karma Called: Bynum Out At Least 8 Weeks

2009-02-02T11:51:00.004-06:00

The Lakers official website is reporting that Andrew Bynum, of repeated injury and Gerald Wallace killing fame, has suffered a dislocated knee cap and a bruise of that same knee. It's strange to think that he hurt his other knee against the same Grizzlies team almost a year ago to the day. It's also funny to think that the Lakers and Grizzlies were involved in one of the more lopsided trades in recent memory last year. Oh and there's also that little flagrant foul Bynum committed that collapsed the lung and broke the rib of Gerald Wallace. Karma is real apparently.

***UPDATE***

ESPN is now saying Bynum has a torn MCL and will miss 12 weeks. Ouch.

Suns Have Meeting, Nash Probably Cries

2009-02-02T11:45:00.003-06:00

After most of the Suns players had left, Grant Hill and Steve Nash went into Porter's coaches' office at about 10:20 p.m. for another closed-door meeting with coaches, Suns Managing Partner Robert Sarver and Suns General Manager Steve Kerr. Hill and Nash stayed for about 45 minutes before leaving together while the rest of the group wound up meeting for about one hour in whole.

You know, watching a team implode like this is kind of hard to watch. Unless it's the Suns (or Lakers). Then it's pretty fucking awesome. Phoenix is currently 11.5 games behind the first place Lakers in the Pacific. They have lost two in a row and see themselves barely clinging onto the 8th spot in the West. Oh joyous days.

Game Preview: Spurs vs. Hornets

2009-01-31T09:51:00.004-06:00

I try not to remember the last meeting between these two. The Spurs blew a big 4th quarter lead on their own court. Chris Paul is a prissy bitch. Tyson Chandler thinks his ability to jump and catch a ball is impressive. Etc. etc. etc. Good thing for us Chandler and three point threat MoPete are injured. Should the Spurs take care of business and win this game, they will be 3 games up on NOLA in the Southwest. The Hornets are coming off a terrible loss to a shitty GS Warriors team. I watched some of that game and lemme tell you, the Hornets don't seem at all what they were last year. Let's hope their shooting woes (36% last night) continue tonight.

Keys to the Game:

Bruce Bowen/Roger Mason should guard Chris Paul. Don Nelson did something interesting last night. He put Stephen Jackson on Chris Paul. This limited Paul's abilities because Jackson is fairly quick and has a large height/arm length advantage. I think the Spurs could have similar success if they put Money Mason or Bruce on Paul. Tony is one of the weaker defenders and he gets destroyed on the pick-n-roll. Then again so does Mason.

Tim Duncan needs to dictate the pace. The Hornets best defender not named James Posey is out for this game. He also happens to be one of people that gives Tim the most trouble. I'm not saying Hilton Armstrong can't guard Tim, but he's not Tyson Chandler. Tim should be able to basically get what he wants. The Hornets will almost assuredly double. That means....

The shooters absolutely have to be on tonight. There have been a few games where it was ok if the shooters had mediocre nights. When Manu, Tim, and Tony are all scoring (like last game), the shooters get some leeway. But the Hornets will more than likely double Tim every time he gets it on the block. This means he's going to be passing to outside shooters a lot. Hit your shots! I'm looking at you Michael Finley.

I also kinda of hope Chris Paul gets an inadvertent elbow to his groin. Just to make up for him punching Bruce in the nuts last year.

Spurs @ Suns Game Recap: LOLERSKATES!

2009-01-30T11:09:00.004-06:00

It's getting to the point where you just expect the Spurs to beat the Suns. I wasn't really ever worried during last night's game. The only point where I was thinking it might be close was when Paper Hill stole the ball from Parker and got an and1 (which was bullshit because there was no foul). But that was near the end of the game and then Parker put water on that fire the next time down the floor. Valiant effort but valiant efforts usually get you losses...ya losers.

The 1st quarter ended up being a helluva shooting drill. Tim and Tony made it clear early on they had it going. But unfortunately Pop wanted to let Amare have open 15-20 foot jump shots. Derr, he can make those ya know? The shooting virus even infected Michael Finley as he didn't continually miss open shots. Hooray! Bob noted this when we were conversing last night during the game, but George Hill looked really bad early on. It seems he has fallen back into the "I'm a backup so I can't be helpful" mind scheme. I'm not saying it's conscious but it seems to be there. Spurs up 1 at 32-31 going into the 2nd.

"What do you mean I can't shoot it every time? I'm a SUPASTAAAA!"

The 2nd quarter was a mixed bag on offense. Everyone seemed to be doing fairly well. Señor Bald Spot was being aggressive and Money Mason was hitting his shots (though his did take a couple really dumb shots). The 2nd is also when things started getting testy. It's not really surprising Amoron Stoudewhiner got a technical foul after screaming like a baby after missing a layup. Steve Javie was officiating the game. He doesn't take shit from anyone. To show he wasn't playing favorites, he called a tech on Tim only 3 minutes later for doing pretty much the same thing Amare did. Except replace "screaming like a baby" with "loud clap of frustration". Just before that Tony had picked up his 3rd foul so he had to come out. That's when Hill came in and showed that if he's not in back-up mode (Tony wasn't coming back in), he plays pretty well. He had an excellent drive and hoop before halftime. Of course, Nash hit a three right as the half ended. Why? Because the Spurs forget the game keeps going after their final possession of a quarter (See 76ers, Lakers, Jazz games). Tie ball game at 57 at halftime.

"Why thank you for the sacrifice. No more T's for you."

The third quarter was the Bruce Bowen show...wait, what? Alright so technically only the last couple minutes were where Bruce was spotlighted, but it was hilarious and so satisfying that I don't even care what happened in the previous 9 minutes (Manu and Tony both had excellent quarters). Tony Porter thought it would be a good idea to employ Hack-a-Bowen. In fairness, Bowen had been shooting 28% from the line this year. In complete unfairness, Porter is an idiot. Not only did Bruce sink 5 of 6, but it also slowed the game down to a Spurs type pace. Terry Porter, don't try to be Popovich. You're just gonna fail. The Spurs are only up 2 points with 3 seconds to go but Steve Nash decides he wants to be a stupid Canadian. He hold Manu on the inbounds pass, bitches, gets a tech and thus gives the Spurs 3 free points. Spurs up 5 instead of 2 at 89-84 going into the 4th.

"You're good you."
"Nah come on, me?"

Alright 4th quarter, do or die time. Spurs can't let up on their...oh shit their offense is sucking now. Oh, why thank you Kurt Thomas. Your offensive rebounding is a nice addition to this team. No, I promise we won't bench you when we bring in another big man. What? Why would I stare into your eyes?

Yes KT's rebounding was nice. But so was the overall defense. Close outs and man-to-man defense was pretty good in the final quarter. Instead of allowing 25+ points, the Spurs held the Suns to 20 points in the quarter. The Spurs built a nice lead but that was pared down to a 3 point lead when Grant Hill stole the ball from Froggie, made a layup and got a horseshit call. That's alright, tonight Tony showed why he's an all-star and Nash isn't. Right after that Tony essentially hit the game winner. A 22-foot dagger if I've ever seen one. It was fun to watch the end. Nash tripped over his own feet, then thought it a good idea to foul bruce without the ball. Only problem is under 2 minutes left, that's an intentional foul. Spurs got one free throw+the ball out of bounds. Hilarity. Add some Manu Free Throws and game is sealed. Spurs win 114-104.

"I betcha I could turn all of these over, eh"

It never gets old watching the Suns lose to the Spurs. And I have a feeling it will continue to never get old for years to come.

TP is an All-Star!

2009-01-29T19:52:00.003-06:00

Woooooooooooo! Yeah! This definitely won't go to his head. He's already the most humble player on the Spurs. I hope Manu takes notice of how TP handles stardom. Tim too. Those bastards hog all the spotlight with their subway commercials and actress wives.

In all seriousness, congrats go to Tony. It's not easy for a guard not named Kobe or Chris Paul to make the all-star team in the West.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Suns

2009-01-29T16:52:00.002-06:00

It's gonna be tough to beat the ending of the last game between these two. I just love seeing Suns fans have their hearts ripped out all at once. Even a blowout might not be as satisfying. But I'm not gonna get ahead of myself.

Keys to the Game:

Tony Parker is the key. I might have one or two more "keys" but Parker needs to dominate tonight. Nash is one of the worst defenders at his position. Tony absolutely needs to take advantage. However, with Snaq, Amoron, and Sideshow Bob all possibly* getting playing time, Tony also needs to be able to adapt. That means pass Tony. It's likely that he'll be open for jumpers and a few layups but most of the time when he drives, he'll be met by Snaq or Amoron or both. That also means Bonner, Mason, Finley (ha yeah right), Bowen, etc. will need to be more or less on.

*Sideshow Bob hasn't played in the last two games

STOP DOUBLING! We saw it a couple times last game and it didn't always go well. I don't understand why Pop doubles. His defenders aren't quick enough or, in the case of a few, motivated enough to rotate off a double. It is perplexing. Of course, if the guys are told to double, they'll double. This is more of a "Pop I hate you sometimes" paragraph than a "key to the game".

Kurt Thomas and Tim Duncan need to guard Shaq. If I see Oberto or Bonner on Shaq I'm turning the TV off. They can't, nor will they ever, guard Shaq effectively. Even Thomas will have problems. But right now Shaq is the best player on the Suns. He needs to be contained somehow. If that means Tim has to guard him then so be it. Manu or Tony or Mason will have to step it up and pull the load for Tim on the offensive end. Or they could just hang a box of Krispy Kreme's from the Spurs bench...

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. But it was my birthday and I'll be lazy if I wanna.

Spurs @ Jazz Game Recap: I Get My Brithday Present

2009-01-28T13:26:00.003-06:00

So I caught some of the game. I missed the entire first quarter but was able to see some of the rest. My observations:

1) Tim Duncan is and always will dominate Mehmet Okur. He was attacking like there was no one guarding him...and there might as well not have been. Timmy is our MVP right now.

2) Matt Bonner can shoot. I guess the Laker game was a wake up call to Ginger Jesus. He only missed one shot from three and ended up 6/7. Well done Matt, now see if you can do that against the better teams in the league.

3) Michael Finley should be getting Ime Udoka minutes. Notice I didn't put the possessive on Udoka's name (like that). Finley was all around terrible against the Jazz. Defense? No thanks. Creating for teammates? Nah, maybe next time. Shooting well? Surely you're joking.

4) Bruce Bowen is NOT finished. He played excellent defense when he came in for the first time in the 4th. He was quick and helped shut down Okur. Reports of his demise have been greatly exaggerated.

5) Tony Parker is good but he hasn't been able to take over games. At least not from what I can tell. He has good games but he hasn't been taking them over. He did it against Minnesota in the 4th game of the year but not really since then. Tim can do it. Manu is capable of doing it. But Tony seems to be relegated to dribble around, pass the ball, get the ball back, dribble some more, then maybe shoot. I don't like him taking stupid shots but he needs to be more aggressive.

6) Manu Ginobili is not the Manu Ginobili we know. He still hustles and provides intangibles but he has been playing fairly badly lately. He seems unsure of himself on the offensive end. This is leading to a bunch of turnovers and him being reluctant to drive. Let's just hope he finds himself soon.

That's all I'm gonna say for now. Spurs have another game tomorrow and it's a big one @ Phoenix. The good news there is the Suns are currently imploding.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Jazz

2009-01-27T14:37:00.005-06:00

The Jazz come into this game on a 3 game losing streak. The Spurs come into this game on a 1 game losing streak. I hate the Lakers...Anyhoo, the Jazz are still without The Boozer and Deron Williams hasn't been able to keep his team at the top of their division with both Portland and Denver emerging as legitimate WC contenders (laugh). Utah is coming off its own blowout loss (to Denver).

Keys to the Game:

Close out on Mehmet Okur. This guy always seems to do well against the Spurs. It could be because they like to leave him open from distance. Maybe Pop will double some people some more. That worked so well in the Lakers game. Fortunately without Boozer the Jazz don't really have anyone who warrants a double. This means that if the rotations on defense are good, Okur won't get that many open shots. Okur hitting shots would make me want to pull my hair out.

Tony Parker has to be aggressive. It's no secret I don't trust Frenchie. However, him being less aggressive has been disastrous for the Spurs in recent games. It's clear that Manu is not himself. That means the open shots are going to come from Tony driving the lane. Deron Williams is a decent defender but Parker is quicker than him. Tony absolutely needs to work Williams if the Spurs want any chance to win this game.

Tim Duncan. Tim Duncan. And some more Tim Duncan. His defense has been less than stellar but he has showed how the Tony/Manu debate is irrelevant. Tim is still the best player on this team. He'll likely have Paul Millsap guarding him. I don't think Millsap has the jumping quickness and he definitely doesn't have the height to seriously contest Tim's bank shot. I'd look for Tim to try that first and then go down low. If he has Okur on him then I'll just laugh and yell at Tony to get Tim the ball every time down the court.

On a more serious note, today is my birthday. The last time the Spurs played on my birthday they won. See, serious right? Let's hope that trend continues tonight. I apologize in advance if there's not a coherent game recap tomorrow. I don't plan on being sober for a while.

Croshere's Services Not Retained

2009-01-27T09:10:00.003-06:00

Croshere cut: The Spurs did not re-sign veteran forward Austin Croshere, whom they had signed to a 10-day contract on Jan. 16. Croshere played in three games during his short stint, including Sunday's game in Los Angeles.

I guess the white guy quotient was too high? That or the FO realized they already had an Austin Croshere, but with way better sandwich selecting abilities.

Despite making $2.978 million this year and $3.256 next year, Bonner remains frugal. Former Spurs guard Brent Barry, who is now with the Houston Rockets, remembers a time in Sacramento when Bonner was getting a snack at his favorite spot: Subway.

“Matt had a coupon for half off a sandwich, which said: ‘Valid at participating stores only,'” Barry said. “The owner said we're not ‘participating stores' and Matt was like ‘Well aren't you a Subway? I walk outside and I see the name ‘Subway.'” After 10 minutes, he talked his way to half off a turkey sandwich. He saved like $2.16.”

Front is for Respect, Back is for Discipline

2009-01-26T17:18:00.004-06:00

Let's help heal the wounds from yesterday by watching a Laker fan stutter his way through criticizing the refs for the January 14th game between the Spurs and Lakers. Be sure to watch all the way through for some nice explanation on why someone slaps with the front of one's hand versus the back of one's hand.

This? This is just for shits and giggles.

Son of a Bitch...

2009-01-26T09:26:00.004-06:00

Word coming from France is that Ian Mahinmi, Spurs frontline hero to be, will be out for the entire season with his ankle injury.

The season of Ian Mahinmi has ended... even before having started. After a right ankle sprain during the summer, San Antonio's French player has tried to come back on the court but always felt the same pain at the ankle with continuous trace of blood. Send to LA to consult the specialist who has done Manu Ginobili's surgery this summer, he went back with the confirmation that the problem was far from being solved. After a six month waiting(!), the decision has been taken to have a surgery in LA and to end his season even if Spurs refuse to officially communicate on the situation of the young and unlucky French player. At 20 years old, the true start of his career is again postponed (only 6 regular season games played in 2007), but he still has until the end of the 2009-2010 season to show Spurs FO that they were right to draft him.

Thanks go to Bruno at SpursTalk for translating for all of us who don't speak Frog. Well shit, this sucks. Now it looks like the Spurs will need to get a trade done before the Feb. 19th deadline if they want any kind of (needed) help up front. This sucks.

Memphis Grizzlies: Nobody Wants To Play With Us!

2009-01-26T09:13:00.004-06:00

Only a couple days after Avery Johnson turned down the opportunity to coach Garbage Man the Second's sputtering team, Mo Cheeks has said the Grizzlies are not where he wants to be either. Maybe if was because they thought they would only offer him an assistant coaching position. Jee I don't see how that could've gone wrong for the Gristles! Maybe you guys should trade your only good player for scraps and his brother again! Fucking Memphis...

Michael Redd's ACL and MCL Have Been Declared a Federal Disaster Area

2009-01-26T08:42:00.003-06:00

You don't always hear a lot of news coming out of Milwaukee. And when you do it's usually about their Beer or how fat the people are that live there. Some sad news from the Bucks came out yesterday that resident hero and leader to championships Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a demolished knee. Redd had already missed 14 games this season with an ankle injury. By the end of the season Redd will have missed 88 games over the past 3 years. But no, let's give him a huge contract anyways. Smart move. Anyways, the people this pisses off the most are people like me who had him as their 3-PT anchor on their fantasy team. Thanks Mike. Now I gotta go sign somebody shitty.

Spurs @ Lakers Game Recap: Welcome to the Suckfest

2009-01-25T19:24:00.002-06:00

Actually, it wasn't that bad....I guess. Anyone who doesn't think that roleplayers really matter in the NBA needs to watch this game. Bottom line, the LA roleplayers played well and hit shots and the San Antonio roleplayers did not. Even with that said, it was only a 14 point loss so I can't be too mad about it.

Since the handful of people who read this blog are going to want at least a bit of decent basketball analysis, here's a couple of points.

First, Pop let me know that we were going to lose this game early in the second quarter when he threw out a lineup of Hill/Mason/Bowen/KT/Bonner. Sometimes in the middle of the season Pop will do some strange shit, I dont know if its to hide his master plan or to see how the defense will react to playing 5 scrubs, he does it. To make things worse, Pop later pulled Hill and had Mason run the point. Needless to say this ended badly.

Secondly, Manu was as unaggressive as I've seen him all year, he didn't even think of driving but maybe once. He also threw the ball away a few times and had some more questionable decisions. I'm not saying he was the reason the Spurs lost, because he wasn't, but he certainly could have improved our chances.

None of this really matters when you consider that the Spurs failed to execute the most crucial NBA skill.....shooting the ball. Here's some shooting numbers to look at:

Bonner (3-8), Mason (1-7), Finley (3-8), Manu (4-11), Hill (0-4), Udoka (1-8)

Of all the players who played over 10 minutes (everyone but Austin Croshere), only Parker (8-17), Duncan (6-12), and Oberto (4-5) shot well.

I mean, you don't need much analysis after looking at those numbers. If you don't shoot the ball well, you don't win many games. If any one of those players shoot well, we at least make a close game of it. They actually rebounded well, took care of the ball, and moved the ball well (21 assists on 33 field goals).

All said, I really can't be too mad about this game. I really don't know what else to say except that its been a bitch of a weekend and I'm sort of glad its over.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Lakers

2009-01-25T11:20:00.004-06:00

Well whadawe have here? A nice little rematch between our maligned heroes and the evil villains from California. Only now the villains have all their henchmen to use. It's not gonna be easy going up against the Slovenian Slut and Dumbo. But the Spurs have been playing much better D lately so we can only hope we don't see another barn-burner like the last game. That being said...

The Keys to the Game:

Do not leave the shooters. A big problem for the Spurs had been giving up open shots (see Orlando Magic and Philadelphia 76ers). The Lakers have too many good shooters to leave open. Fishturd, Slovenian Slut, Ariza, and Radmonovic are all deadly if left open. Last game saw a lot of double teaming (and not in the fun way) which also meant a lot of open shots for the Lakers' shooters. It might have been one of the reasons the score was as high as it was. I don't like scores that high when the Spurs play. It means they didn't play their type of game. I'm sure Pop will double. He loves to torment us.

He practices yoga while playing

Hope to god Manu plays at his Manuest. Look, we all love Tim and Tony...ok well we all love Tim, but Manu is an indicator species against the Lakers. If he doesn't do well, the Spurs will likely not win. He just has something in his game that makes him the x-factor at all times. If he isn't playing well, the Spurs struggle. Tony has great first halves but then he seems to forget he has teammates in the second. I think he has been averaging maybe 2-3 assists in the second half of games recently. For the guard running a team, you need more, especially if the offense starts sputtering. If Manu is at his best the Spurs will have a double-penetrating (in the fun way but not the FUNNEST way) threat that the Lakers shouldn't be able to stop. But it's all contigent on Manu playing well.

He probably made this shot

Take the crowd out of the game. Tell Jack Nicholson there are free hookers in the parking lot if you have to but in games like this the crowd will be a major factor. The Spurs absolutely need to curb any runs the Lakers make. Even if the Lakers are down 15 points and go on a short run, the crowd will bring them back in it. I think we all know what happened to the leads in the WCF last year. Whether it's the crafty use of timeouts or just slowing the game down to a halt, the Spurs are going to need to do it. The crowd is gonna be pumped for the game at the start so hopefully the Spurs come out with some energy and balls.

Awww that movie "The Bucket List" wasn't real? Damn...

Spurs vs. Nets Game Recap: I Have No Idea What Happened

2009-01-25T10:21:00.003-06:00

Game Recap: Spurs won. Tim did well. Manu almost brainfarted his way to a tie game.

That's about it.

Sorry I can't be of more help but I couldn't watch the game. I need league pass and to kick Bob's ass.

UPDATE Devin Harris Doubtful for Tonight's Game

2009-01-23T13:57:00.008-06:00

Reuters is reporting that Devin Harris is doubtful for tonight's game with the Spurs. What does that mean? Tony goes off and Spurs win. Happy day.

/jinx

***UPDATE 2***

So apparently Reuters had a little premature blowing of their Devin Harris load. Not only is Harris not doubtful for tonight, but Nets' coach Lawrence Frank said he is likely playing. Good work Reuters!

Because They'll Never Get Old

2009-01-23T13:40:00.003-06:00

"Duncan a three pointer? Puts it up...IT'S GOOD!!! Tim Duncan from three point land ties the game!"

The "What would it be like to be there" View

hahahahahahahaha I hate the Suns but that's just not right

I think they had just showed one of those Kobe scoring 43 commercials...sweet irony

Sean Elliott >>>> Alonzo Mourning

Game Preview: Spurs vs. Nets

2009-01-23T12:17:00.005-06:00

The Lakers come in having...oh there's a game before the Spurs go to LA? It's against who? [Laughs] Sorry, sorry. The Nets have actually been a surprising team. After they inaugurated the 2010 salary dump by getting rid of Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson (not to be confused with Jason Richardson...even though I just did) and anyone not named Vince Carter, no one expected them to compete this year. But Vince Carter has been playing like he had been in Toronto (while not at musics concerts) and Devin Harris is showing how lopsided that Jason Kidd trade really was.

Keys to the game:

Play defense like they did against Indiana. The last game was one of the better defensive efforts the Spurs have put forth this year. Was Indy missing open shots? Sometimes but it wasn't the shit fest that was the 76ers game. Holding a team that had scored 100+ points in 14 straight games to 81 isn't all them missing shots. Hopefully the Spurs can defend either Devin Harris or Vince Carter. I say either because Tony Parker notoriously gets demolished by Harris and Carter is like TMac. He can have terrible games or he can have games where even when you slather nutbutter on him, he still goes off.

Let Manu Ginobili create. As I said above, Harris gives Parker all sorts of problems. One of them has been that Parker can't beat Harris off the dribble and get past him. Either Bobby Simmons or VC will be on Manu. VC is an amazing athlete but an attentive defender he is not. So I think they'll put Bobby Simmons on Manu. Manu is better than Simmons. So much better. I think he could take Simmons to the basket every time if he had to. If he is the Manu Ginobili of the Lakers or Pacers game then he needs to play point when he's in.

Challenge the young bigs. The Nets have two young centers in Josh Boone and Brook Lopez. Lopez has been on fire lately averaging 18 and 7 over his last 7 games. Boone is more of a defender than a scorer. Even so he is only averaging 0.8 blocks/game this season. So I think it would be a good idea to go at these two guys and make them stop you. We have a guy named Tim Duncan who is pretty good. Then again the way the refs have been treating him this year I wouldn't be surprised if Lopez came out of the game with 1 foul and a nice kosher gift basket. Still, attack Lopez and Boone and I think the game turns out well.

Alonzo Mourning Retires...Again

2009-01-23T02:12:00.002-06:00

The unthinkable happened Thursday. No Amy Winehouse didn't quit drugs and alcohol. Alonzo Mourning retired for a second time. Not sure many people saw this coming when he absolutely demolished the tendon in his knee last year, but today Zo made it official. We will miss you Zo. You and your ship-jumping, coattail riding, or even your pension for just pissing everybody off (no link needed, you know it's true). Maybe I'm bitter than Sean Elliott never got the kind of attention for being the first athlete to overcome this illness and play again. I can't wait until Zo announces he's returning but only to a team with a shot at the title. Coattaaaaaaaaails.

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